Night Crest
by Bluemoon Princess
Summary: I feel like I’m being choked, but there’s no noose. I feel like I’m drowning, but there’s no water. I feel like I’m dreaming, but he hasn’t kissed me. Maybe this is what one feels like before he completely dies from the inside.
1. Chapter 1

JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW… I OWN NOTHING! I do not in any way own Death Note or its characters, however I have a few OC's (original characters) that will be introduced in later chapters… and they belong solely to me and me alone! Also, I am not responsible for ruining some of the plot of Death Note to some of those who aren't finished with the series… I don't want people whining to me saying that I revealed something that they didn't get to yet.

Authors Note: Hello… it's good to see you all, and I'm proud to announce that this is my very first fanfiction story, written by me. I'm really excited because I worked really hard on it, but I'm also nervous because I'm afraid that no one will like it. It's a strange story, and maybe it could get a little weird or irrelevant, but I'll try to keep you guys interested. At the end if it turns out that you didn't like it… then please go easy on me, but if you did like it, then please review.

Summary: I feel like I'm being choked, but there's no noose. I feel like I'm drowning, but there's no water. I feel like I'm dreaming, but he hasn't kissed me. Maybe this is what one feels like before he completely dies from the inside.

Pairings/Characters: Well… this is MattxMello (Mello's POV)

Warnings: Lets see here, sometimes by giving out warnings it only makes people want to read it more… wait, that's a good thing!

First of all: Yaoi… (not yet, but in later chapters) which in terms for little kids, is basically two guys who really really like each other and that can lead to doing grown up things, like silly bedroom games, and if you don't know what I mean by now… then perhaps you should leave. I mean there is a reason that this is rated T.

There's also going to be some cussing… but not too much I hope, but I just have to do it to get into character.

Chapter 1 (because I'm not too creative with names)

_My heart seemed to skip a beat as the strangest question left his beautiful lips, one that I would never have thought would I would hear him ask, not for as long as I should live, "What does love feel like Mello?"_

"_W-what?" I couldn't help but stammer… that's the logical way a person would react right? "How the hell would I know what love feels like Matt? Why don't you go ask a girl or something… they always seem to be talking and thinking about weird stuff like that…" I said, though in truth I did know what love felt like all too well… I've been feeling it for a long time now. I just wasn't sure how to explain it to him without giving myself away, "Why does it matter anyway? Do you think you're in love Matty?" I teased, wanting my whole life the chance to call him by such a cute pet name._

"_Truth be told…" he took a long pause then sighed… I felt like I knew what he was going to say… no maybe I just wanted him to say it, but it's only wishful thinking, " I think I am." He finished looking down at the stained rugged floor of our dull living room carpet. He traced imaginary designs on it with his feet, with a strange, and very awkward smile. I wasn't sure what to think, I seemed to be a little slow comprehending it all… 'Did he just tell me that he was in love? Or did I just imagine it? No that's not possible I just heard him say it and furthermore he's sitting there in front of me, looking kind of embarrassed. _

_He looked up at me as if he expected me to say something, but what did he expect me to say? Did he expect me to break down before him and tell him exactly how I feel… that I'm utterly in love with him… there's no way he could know that I feel that way, not in a million years would he ever pay enough attention to me to actually understand how I feel. He continued staring for a moment before he turned back to the floor. _

"_Well… with who…?" I mouthed since my lips had barely allowed them to go out, this is what anyone would ask… it wouldn't be suspicious for me to ask. I'm just so nervous… it's absolutely irritating; God the suspense is killing me!_

"_Do you promise that you'll still be my friend?" he asked, and for a second I thought about how childish it was for him to say something like that, like a child scared of getting in trouble for breaking one of his moms expensive diner plates, or getting a bad grade on his report card, but the thought dissipated after another moment, and I was swung back into the current situation, "Well… do you promise?" he asked again after he didn't get a response the first time, 'Quit stalling dammit, and just tell me.' I must have been utterly exploding from the inside._

"_Yes Matt, of course I'll always be your friend. I've told you that before haven't I? When we were younger I remember, why would you think that I wouldn't want to be your friend, do you think I would get angry or something? I'll always be there for you." I really wanted to shoot myself for asking that last question, my patience was running out… and now I feel like I'm the one stalling, and hell maybe I am, maybe I'm afraid of what his answer will be. _

"_I don't know, I just thought that you'd be a little upset or feel differently about me if I told you WHO I loved," that of course was not true, and probably never would be no matter how much I wanted it too, but he didn't know that, "But nevertheless…. You will always be my friend," 'Though I'd kill to be someone more to you', I thought "So I guess now I can say that I… that I love…" he said grabbing my shoulders, and started at me with an intensity I never saw in his eyes before. "You," he finished as I felt myself being drawn closer and closer to him. His warm lovely lips coming ever so close to connecting to mine--_

My heart almost burst through my chest, and then my eyes flung open revealing the dark solitude of my bedroom. My chest heaving up and down at a rapid pace, as I tried to regain control of my breathing. "Damn… so f-fucking close…" I panted, banging may arm down on my anything but soft bedding. "Why?" I yelled up at the ceiling. I have dreams like that almost every night about him -the man that would only love me in my dreams, never reality-

Frustrated I ran my hands through my sweat-soaked hair. "Oh… disgusting," I murmured stumbling into the bathroom, flinging my clothes onto the floor, and letting the cold water of the shower cool me down.

Afterward I stared at myself in the mirror, frowning at what I saw… the large scar covering over the entire left half of my body, I will never forget the day this happened, and how Matt had reacted. This of course had happened during that dammed Kira Case, when I was trapped and the only chance I had of staying alive was to blow the place up. Afterward I had returned to him, looking defeated and wrecked… as he had said, but nonetheless he had put his arms around me, and said these exact words, "Don't worry about it… I promise you that I won't look at you any different except now I will see a stronger you" then he laughed, "though I didn't really think you'd be stupid enough to set that bomb off, that was pretty dumb…"

"It was…" I had responded, "but it wasn't that stupid considering the fact that I'm still alive." We both had laughed and I had pulled away from him at that moment and told him that everything was fine, and that he shouldn't pity me, now I would be taken more seriously.

Anyway, after I was dressed in my normal clothes, consisting of my leather jacket and pants… which were a little tight… okay very tight when I first started wearing them, but I got used to it after a while. I walked out into the hallway, smelling cigarette smoke. "Damn it Matt! I told you not to smoke in the house!"

"Oh, sorry man," I jumped. I didn't think he was still here, nowadays he was rarely around… and yes I do talk to myself, but can you really blame me? I'm usually here alone and I have to break the silence somehow.

He popped up from behind the couch and smiled his trouble-making smile he knew I loved. He shook his head moving his devilishly cute russet-colored hair from the front of his eyes, as he stared at me.

"I… ummm… I…" I stammered trying to find the right words to say, but the stare from his dark hazel eyes, made me completely lost. He pulled his unfinished cigarette from his mouth and stuck it into the ashtray.

"Sorry about the smoke, you know it's a habit."

"Yeah, a habit that needs to end," I said quite sternly, but it was obvious that I was only joking. He and I both knew that he wouldn't be able to quit even if he wanted to.

"Tell you what," he smiled raising one eyebrow, like he does when we usually make bets, "I'll quit smoking if you stop eating chocolate."

I shook my head, "You know I don't eat that much chocolate, after the Kira Case was solved, and anyway, at least chocolate doesn't cause lung cancer!"

He chuckled, "Sure whatever Mello… I'm still alive aren't I?" he got up, "I'm gonna blow this taco stand!" he shouted as he left. Typical Matt, he always had something strange to say, even if it was at the last minute.

It's actually surprising that these last couple minutes with him ended up being the most time I had actually spent with him this month, and of course thinking about how much time we don't spend together now makes me think about the times when we had spent every second together. I remember how we first met like it was yesterday…

_I was about only 10 years old at the time. I had been there, at Wammy's House, only a couple of days and some of the kids there had invited me to play kickball with them, but apparently I was too rough, and was no longer allowed to play. I was lonely. It wasn't that I was mean, I was just torn after losing my father. He was my role model, my whole world, I wanted to be just like him I really did. You see my mother had died when I was born, and therefore my father had pledged on her grave that he would give me the best life I could possibly have, but when I was just 6 years old he had contracted leukemia, but he would never tell me what was wrong. Everyone told me that he was just sick and I believed for 4 years that he would get better. Everyday I would go and talk to him and he would tell me what a great young man I was, and that someday I would be the man of the house, but I didn't know what he meant until the day he died, leaving me all alone. _

_The first time I had met Matt, I was crying under the biggest tree at the far end of the yard where I thought that no one would find me… and there he was in his loose striped shirt and baggy jeans. "Hello," he smiled at me, and I looked over to him, "Oh… you're crying! What's wrong?" he asked sitting own beside me. _

_"Nothing, now just go away and mind your own business," I shouted back to him, my face completely red and covered in warm tears, he only stared, "Stop it! Stop looking at me and go away!!!"_

_He placed one gentle arm on the side of my face and wiped the tears away, "Please don't cry… I don't like seeing people cry."_

"_Why should I listen to you?" I growled_

"_Because I'm a friend," he pulled me close into a warm embrace and oddly enough I felt comforted, I leaned in against his chest, and or course none of this seemed strange at all we were young, I was just a broken up kid, and he was a compassionate caring kid, "Here… I have something for you. I think it'll make you feel better," he said after another moment. _

_I looked up at him a little surprised, and he held out a chocolate bar. "C-chocolate, I'm sorry I don't really like sweets," he didn't really listen and he broke off a piece and held it out to me. I took it and was surprised that it was a lot better then I had thought. "T-thanks," and after that he and I were inseparable. We became the best of friends and maybe that's because even though we were a little bit different… we were more compatible with each other then with anyone else. _

Now on another note, almost four years ago him and I had left Wammy's and Matt and went off on my own, eventually joining the mafia, which was the worst mistake of my life. Matt had found me again, and I was shocked to discover that he had started smoking in my absence. Also, in that time I had set off the bomb, which saved my life and given me this terrible scar. After that Matt had been able to convince me that it was no longer worth it to keep going, so we moved to America, and no more then a month later Near, or rather the new L, had solved the case.

So here we are now in this shitty two-bedroom apartment, where I don't have a job, and Matt makes barely enough income to pay the rent. He's gone early in the morning and not back until late at night. Sometimes I just think that it'd be best if he would just kick me out, I'm not even working. I don't deserve this. Maybe it's time I carried my own weight.

_~Later~_

"You, big bad Mello, actually getting a job?" he laughed.

"Yeah! Of course… why you don't think I can do it?" I shot back.

"No that's not it, you can do whatever you want. Actually I don't care go on and do whatever, see what I care! I just don't think that you were made to actually work, but be my guest." He smiled one last time before he walked off into his room, "Goodnight Mello."

"Whatever…" I mumbled under my breath. _'That's right… go on to sleep, because I'll show you… I'll get a job, and the next time you see me I'll be making probably double what you make!'_

Authors Note: Well that was chapter 1… and I know that there was a lot of flashing back and stuff and that nothing really happened, but that was so I could give you all a pretty good idea of the grand scheme of things, and whatnot. We really haven't even hit the REAL plot yet, so some new things are going to happen. Anyway I would love to hear your thoughts, so please review, and I'm open to constructive criticism, so please don't feel shy to tell me I'm doing something wrong or if there's something you don't like, (but if you didn't like it at all, then I don't really think that I would want to hear from you,) anyway, to those of you who did like it, please review for me. Anyway, bye-bye now. :D


	2. Chapter 2

JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW… I OWN NOTHING!

Authors Note: Hello, and welcome to chapter 2, if you're reading this then I would like to thank you for liking my first chapter enough to want to read this one! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, which reminds me of something funny. Okay, so I have this one black shirt my mom got me from her work (she works at a health food store, so naturally it was a shirt advertising some type of company) now on the back it says More… and some random things like MORE KISSES… MORE ANTIBIOTICS… MORE BUTTERFLIES… and there must be at least 100 things listed in different colors and the smaller the print gets the weirder the sayings are and one of them that is pretty damn small says MORE WARM AND FUZZIES. A friend of mine, 'Angel', calls it my warm and fuzzies shirt. And yes I enjoy wasting your time because me telling you that was completely pointless.

Summary: I feel like I'm being choked, but there's no noose. I feel like I'm drowning, but there's no water. I feel like I'm dreaming, but he hasn't kissed me. Maybe this is what one feels like before he completely dies from the inside.

Pairings/Characters: MattxMello (Mello's POV)

Warnings: Lets see here, sometimes by giving out warnings it only makes people want to read it more… wait, that's a good thing!

First of all: Yaoi… which in terms for little kids, is basically two guys who really really like each other… and that can lead to doing grown up things, like silly bedroom games, and if you don't know what I mean by now then perhaps you should leave. I mean there is a reason that this is rated T.

There's also going to be some cussing.

Chapter 2

I spent the rest of the night and the beginning of the early morning looking on the Internet and through the newspaper for a well paying job, and none really fitted me as a person. I guess I'm being a little picky, but I would like something that I wouldn't have to be too public and seen by a lot of people, and something that I actually like. I mean Matt really got what he wanted. He gets to work with computers in some really fancy place, and proof of that is that I don't even remember the name.

Anyway, he just started working there, but since he is the youngest person there he isn't paid that much, but there is no doubt that he is one of the companies best employees. They had told him that the only thing that he was doing wrong was that he wasn't working weekends, and of course, he does now. I don't really see why people don't recognize how smart he really is. He's just younger then them… so giving him the promotion, which is definitely well earned, would apparently be insulting the other employees or some stupid crap like that.

Almost completely lost in thought over that topic, I had realized that I wasn't even reading the papers anymore, or maybe I had just given up, regardless if I said I would find a job, then that's what I intend to do. I glance back at the page and something popped out at me:

Byron's Repair and Parts

**Mechanic wanted for professional repair shop, must…**

**Have experience with all types of automobiles/motorcycles**

**A passion for working on them**

**Be familiarized with older and up to date models**

**2-4 year of training**

**If you feel as though working on cars and automobiles is your true calling, then feel free to stop by, and we'll see if you have what it takes to join the team!**

This had to be the most interesting job I had seen so far. I definitely had experience, no one could doubt that, and I even have a motorcycle of my own so this should be a piece of cake. All the other jobs were just plain boring or involved too much socialization; I mean why in hell would anyone want to be a cashier at the local McDonalds? That has to be the stupidest job on the face of the planet! As for the 'have a passion for…' that's a load of crap. If you've got the talent, then they'll hire you whether you like doing it or not! Well anyway this place looked like it was at least worth checking out. If I actually did get hired I would be living what people called the 'American Dream'. Getting to work with cars sounded easy enough and people pay a lot to get their car fixed, if you do it right that is.

XxXxXxX

"Gergen Yoshiko," a rather tall thin looking girl pronounced looking at the fake resume I had ingeniously crafted about myself; it had all the material and more to make me seem like the perfect person for the job. She had a light Russian accent, but her voice was very strong and a bit intimidating, "That's your name… right?"

"Yes, it is," I responded and she gave me a weird look, but I couldn't tell if it was because I had a strange name or because I was staring at her. She definitely wasn't wearing the company uniform, but instead she wore a small black tank top that hung loose on her skin waving in the gentle breeze giving it the illusion that it could have been made of chocolate, rising just above her stomach revealing a naval piercing, and a tattoo of a black and red dragon swiveling from her right hip and upward a few inches, and the top part shirt was probably a little lower then it should have been, revealing a large portion of her chest, "Though I don't know why I'm talking to you… I really should be talking to the person that owns the company."

"That would be me, Cadence Byron," she smirked, "I know I don't look like much, but I know every car inside and out… and I think that I'd like to get to know you that way," she said and looked up at me, her large blue eyes analyzing every part of me. She moved a lock of her long curly blonde hair from the front of her face and smiled.

"W-wait what?!?!" I hadn't really caught the last part, but I'm pretty sure it was something I don't want to think about.

"Huh… oh, I was just saying that your resume looked quite impressive Mr. Yoshiko," she responded, though I wasn't quite sure that was what she had said.

I moved the baseball cap I was wearing from my head, which belonged to Matt, along with the clothes I was currently wearing since I couldn't really go anywhere dressed completely in black leather, then wiped some beads of sweat from my forehead and fitted the it back on. "Oh my god!" she gasped pulling it back off my head. "What in the hell happened to your face!" she moved one of her hands up with nails cut extremely short… no they were bitten off, probably just a nervous habit, and I had half a mind to tell her that painting over them in red nail polish didn't really make them look any more attractive, but it was a good thing I knew better.

"I don't really like to talk about it," I said, swinging back into the moment, not really wanting to tell her things she didn't need to know. "It's honestly a complicated story," she laid her hand on the side of my face rubbing her fingers on it gently moving it down my neck slowly.

"Whoa… whoa… whoa!!!" I half shouted stumbling backwards.

She quickly pulled her hand back "oh… sorry I didn't know that would bother you. Most guys I know would have found that quite sexy, but anyway I'm just curious, how long have you had that scar?"

'Sexy?' I had barely heard what she said after that, 'was she flirting with me? That doesn't matter, but I'm pretty sure that she was.' I shook my head trying to clear my mind, trying not to think about how red my face must be by now. "W-what was your question again?"

"Your scar, how long have you had it?" she asked again placing her hand on my chin and pulling my face up to hers and forcing me to look into her eyes, and out of my senseless pride and fear of losing my masculinity I refused to look away.

"Almost two years now," I answered pulling back away before she gets carried away again and tries to kiss me.

"Oh really… well it's pretty cool you know, does it go all the way down your body?"

"No," I lied not wanting to give her images of what I might look like if I were naked, I mean that's something people like her really don't need to think about.

"Oh, well back on track, you're resume is quite astounding… so welcome aboard!" she held out her hand, I was pretty damn sure that she didn't even read the whole thing. This woman really creeped me out, it seemed to me that she might be more interested in what's in my pants then what was on the goddamn resume.

I shook my head, "no sorry, I think I may want to check out some other places before I start here, do you understand?"

"No actually I don't understand at all; a moment ago you just said that you wanted to get a job here," 'damn it! I thought that would work. It would be a nice place to work, no doubt about that, but if my boss would be someone like that then I really don't think I would want to be around here."

"Yeah, well this is a great place I know, but I feel like I should go to some other places and see what they can provide for me, this might not even be my type of place after all." I said making it up as I went along, I mean she didn't seem too bright, "therefore you would probably have better luck perhaps finding someone else."

"Oh really? You know I sure I can give you some extra benefits since we really do need the help at the moment," now I would have to admit that she was sounding a bit to anxious to get me to work here.

"I'm sorry but I can't."

"Well, how about this... I'll give you one week to look around at some of those other fancy places your talking about, and I won't hire anyone until then. That way if you change your mind about wanting to work here then there'll still be a space for you."

"That's incredibly generous of you uhhh…" at that moment I realize that I had forgotten her name, "I apologize, but what was your name again?"

"Oh… uhh, I thought I already told you, but anyway my name is Cadence, but you can call me Cade."

"All right Cade," I answered feeling a little awkward calling her that, it seemed a bit too informal for two people who had just met, "I'll be sure to keep that in mind and contact you if there is a change of plans, okay?"

"Yeah okay."

She looked as if she didn't want me to go, but she didn't object, instead she wrapped her arms around be and gave me what could possibly be considered a death hug, that lasted only a couple of seconds, but it sure felt like several minutes. I tried to refrain from falling onto the cement gasping for breath; she was one hell of a strong woman.

"See you around Gergen!" she shouted waving to me until I was no longer visible.

Man I was glad to get out of there, I mean that woman was one fucking crazy bitch… flirting with me like that, it was unbelievable. Hell would freeze over before I would apply for any job involving that chick. Exiting the parking lot I hoped onto my motorcycle, glad that that Cade didn't know I had one or she'd probably be begging for a ride. I rode off, looking at all the decaying buildings reminding myself that Matt and I had chosen the shittiest part of town to live in.

No more then a minute or two later did I hear a scream, a high ear-piercing cry of distress that could shatter glass almost as easily as it had destroyed my eardrum… and it only took me about half a second to realize where it was coming from, a dark narrow ally a little ways ahead. I could have just kept going, but I chose to stop. Nearing the direction of the noise I stopped and peered down to see the cause of the distress.

I saw what looked like a twenty-year-old boy, and a girl, probably around my age. She looked beat up, and the culprit was the boy who then punched her to the ground, kicking her in the stomach before picking her back up and pinning her against the wall. I saw the gun positioned in the boy's hand being shoved against her head. He was murmuring things that I couldn't quite catch from this distance, but I could tell they weren't kind and weren't too clean either. Using the hand with the gun he grabbed her two thin wrists pushing them up against the wall and crushed her waist with his own, moving his one free hand swiftly up her leg and small black skirt She screamed again, and in one quick movement his lips were on hers wildly moving as she squirmed relentlessly trying to break free, and after seeing that I involuntarily pulled my gun out and fired, piercing him in his arm, releasing her completely, and he fired missing by several feet. The girl fell to the ground watching as I ran up to the man. "What the hell are you doing kid… take one step closer and I'll kill you," he said in a low snarling voice, and I admired his courage. He was talking as if he had the whole situation under control, as though he thought I wouldn't have the nerve to kill him… boy was he wrong.

"What in hell's name were you doing to that girl?!?" I shouted to him, gun pointed at him.

"What are you talking about? What happens between us is none of your business! I know she loves me!"

"That's not true you asshole!" the girl spoke up her voice a little higher then I would have thought, "You like _me_ you fucking pervert… you'd have to be crazy to think that I would ever even remotely _like_ you!!!" she shouted and his gun went off again in her direction. Another miss.

"Shoot that thing one more time and I swear I'll shoot you," I threatened though he didn't seem to smart and he probably didn't believe me. He got up with his hands in the air and before I even knew what happened he had the girl again with the gun pinned roughly against her head messing up her long black hair.

"No… you listen, I'm not playing a—" it that second I shot him blood gushing out of his chest as the girl broke free once again and before I could ask if she was even okay she pulled out a knife, silver and jagged in an interesting design on the blade. She looked to him and in one swift movement she was slicing out his neck with it, a yell on his part, cut short by the gurgling of blood, then oozing from his neck and splattering onto the ground, the walls and all over the girl, chunks of his flesh flying onto her face and outfit.

"Die you fucking bastard… you asshole, bastard of a fucking gay-ass sonuvabitch!!! She slashed, ripping up skin for several more seconds until there was nothing left of his neck except for a mass of chunky red flesh surrounding the cut up bone in the middle. She looked up to me once she was done, her pale, almost ghostly white skin splotched with drops of blood and bits of flesh. Her long black hair was as black as the shadows and it wisped down her shoulders in an unruly fashion; greasy strands sticking to her face with sweat and blood. She stood up, her eyes were a shiny golden yellow, like none I had ever seen, with thin slits for pupils… and instead of fear, or madness that I expected to see in her eyes there was strength, her eyebrows creased together in an angry brow line that softened and her pupils dilated to normal size, no longer cat-like. She stood up, allowing me to clearly see her blue spidery veins webbed around her pale boney body. She looked so small and fragile, like she was not even remotely physically or mentally capable of what she just did.

"Thanks for killing him," she said her voice much lower and serious then before, her eyes piercing your very soul, "I didn't think you had it in you, though you know I had the situation completely under control." She said this quite surely, but she shook her head, "okay who am I kidding," she laughed, high pitched and a little maniacal, she wrapped her arms around me and I was completely paralyzed at what I just saw, "but now I don't know whether to thank you," she breathed gently in my ear, "or to kill you…"

Authors note: Well who the hell is that girl at the end? Well if Mello survives she may just appear for the rest of the story. She's one of the OC's I mentioned that would be in later chapters and will be a very important to the rest of the plot of the story (and maybe Cade too, but I'm not sure yet). Anyway, I hope you are enjoying it so far, and don't be mad at me for not being able to update quickly. My mother is rarely home and I have three younger siblings that I have to take care of and they need constant supervision, or they are going to blow up the house or some crazy shit like that. Anyway, I'll try to update at least every 3-8 days for you guys. Thanks a lot, and please review!


	3. Chapter 3

ONCE AGAIN, I OWN NOTHING (except my OC's)

Authors note: Okay, as you must have realized by now, this story is kind of 90% AU and some of it happened in Death Note, but whatever. What I'm here to say now is that I'm really happy that I was able to get to chapter 3. And remember when I said I would update every couple days… Well I'm a big fat liar. (okay, yeah and I kinda forgot about the story too) -_-" Anyway You cannot really believe anything I say, chances are I mean it when I say it, but my intense laziness overwhelms me and dissolves every morsel of motivation I may have had at the beginning. Unless we have some kind of deal, I always follow through with my half of the deal because I am a surprisingly loyal person.

Summary: I feel like I'm being choked, but there's no noose. I feel like I'm drowning, but there's no water. I feel like I'm dreaming, but he hasn't kissed me. Maybe this is what one feels like before he completely dies from the inside.

Pairings: MattxMello (Mello's POV)

Characters: Matt, Mello, and Cadence Byron

Warnings: Lets see here, sometimes by giving out warnings it only makes people want to read it more… wait, that's a good thing!

First of all: Yaoi… which in terms for little kids, is basically two guys who really really like each other… and that can lead to doing grown up things, like silly bedroom games, and if you don't know what I mean by now then perhaps you should leave. I mean there is a reason that this is rated T.

There's also going to be some cussing.

Chapter 3

Whoever said that girls were nothing to be afraid of, and that they were just short, weak, pink dress wearing, flower-picking pansies… was _DEAD WRONG!_ This girl was something else. She _IS_ something to fear. Sweat trickled down my neck as I faced what could probably be the last moments of my life.

"Hahahahahaha!!!" she laughed, releasing me. "Man, you look like you're about to piss your pants!" she continued to laugh, and I had half a mind to punch her… but that would make me no better then the other guy. "Don't worry I have no intension to hurt you or anything like that, after all you did me a very big favor helping me out back there." I was still a little stunned, but I was easing up as she continued to talk. "By the way, we have yet to get correctly acquainted. My name is Dusk."

_'Dusk? Now I was no name expert on English names, but I was pretty damn sure that Dusk was not a normal name. It could maybe be a nickname, codename, or maybe just an alias, but hey if she wants to play this game the so be it._' "All right, my name is Mello."

She smiled, "Cool… and now that we know each other," her expression changed from a happy to a suspicious careful look. Her eyes shifted uneasily from side to side, and she was silent for a long moment as if listening to something I could only wish I could hear. "Are you here alone?" she asked

"Yeah, why? Did you hear something?" I asked, and though I hadn't heard anything maybe she did, maybe she has dog-like ears or something, I don't know.

"No, I was just curious, but I have to ask… are you enforced with the law in any way?"

_'Enforced?' I almost had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing, if anything the police would be after me considering that I was in the mafia at one point, but that was something I definitely couldn't tell her, that was really something you shouldn't tell a strange girl.'_ "No, of course not."

"So you're telling me that you don't have a government job, or know any police either as family or as friends? Well in that case can I ask you if the police are looking for you for anything you did or didn't do?" _Why in the hell is this chick asking me all of these random questions? Does she have a purpose? A motive?_

"I really don't see why that is any of your business,"

"Or perhaps are there anyone to whom you are strongly committed to?" she asked and instantly an image of Matt popped into my head, 'Damn it… why am I thinking of him at a time like this? I'm absolutely not committed to him, besides what would he care if I just disappeared or died one day anyway? That's right he wouldn't! Just because I love him doesn't mean that he will ever love me, we're just friends and I have to stop hoping that we can one day be more. "No," I shook my head, "There's no one, and I'm not enforced with the law in any way, nor do I ever want to be."

Her lips, covered in fading black lipstick, now smudged, curled into a smile, "so in that case would you be interested in joining a gang? We could really use someone like you, especially after you killed Stone," she gestured to the young man's body, "he was in the gang, but we had found out that he was actually working for another, and planned on betraying us all. I was sent out to kill him." _'A gang?!?" There's no way I'm getting involved in one of those again,'_ I was just about to confirm my disinterest when she spoke up again."Sorry, I keep getting it wrong, it's not actually a gang, our leader likes us to call it a Clan, since it makes us all seem like family, but it's basically the same thing, it all pays the same, food, money—" I stopped her.

"Money?" she definitely had my attention now, since I had just completely failed at getting a job today joining this gang no longer sounded like such a bad idea.

"Yeah, as long as you don't care where it comes from." She smiled, and I did too, knowing very well all the places you could get money. "Anyway it's so great with us, our leader Shadow finds a way to get us everything we need and I'm sure that he would be thrilled to have a new member! So what do you say Mello?"

A decision like this should not be made in a split second, it could be life altering, "I think I may need some time to think about it," I said.

"Well, okay then, just think about it and if you decide that you wanna join then meet me here at this time tomorrow, and if you don't show then there'll be no second chances for you."

_'Tomorrow this type of thing could take a week to think about,'_ I nodded my head and she jumped up wrapping her arms around me, "Okay tomorrow then, don't be late and…" she bent in to whisper, "Come alone."

I went straight back to the apartment to find that Matt was home early, but was fast asleep on the couch with the TV buzzing in front of him. I sat down in a chair next to the couch wishing that he would wake up and tell me that he loved me, to hold me and tell me that he loved me more then the air he breathes, but I knew that would never happen. I put my hand on his head gently running my fingers through his hair and he shifted but remained asleep. He looked to peaceful, not at all stressful, and just as cute as always, how I would love to kiss him just once before he would wake up, but would it be worth it if he were to wake up, would it be worth it to lose our friendship if he doesn't feel the same… I decided against it.

I went back to contemplating something more important. Joining her clan was probably in my best interest. I would actually have friends that would be there for me all the time like Matt used to be and I would be able to get money doing probably the thing that I do best, being a gangster, okay that was kind of a joke. Joining could really get me into a lot of trouble; I really don't know what to do. Part of me desperately wanted to ask Matt, but what would he say? Would he even care, no probably not. Well if I join, it will be for Matt, he needs the money to pay this months rent and he has been working late every day this week to do so. That's it, I will join, but it won't be just for me, it will be for me and Matt.

The next day I had put on my normal clothes, well I guess that normal isn't exactly the right word I would use to describe my leather, but it was normal for me. I got there probably a couple of minutes early; at first I didn't even realize that she was there. "BOO!" her high pitch voice sounded from behind me. Today her hair was pulled back into a ponytail revealing her pale thin face, which was actually quite attractive. "So, you're here because you wanted to join right?" I nodded.

"Good," she ran over and hopped on my motorcycle, get on and I'll take you to the hideout."

"Okay first of all, that is _my_ motorcycle and there's no way I'm letting you drive it, and second—"

"No, I'm driving, so get your ass on the motorcycle, besides you don't even know the way so a good use you would be driving!" Honestly I could tell that I wasn't going to win this argument so I had no choice but to oblige.

"All right, do whatever the hell you want girl, just know that if you mess up my motorcycle I'm going to murder you!"

She just laughed, "I'm glad that you see it my way," I got on a little reluctantly praying to dear god that she had experience riding a motorcycle, she didn't look like the type, "Hold on tight hun," she said and at that instant she drove off at full speed my arms flung tightly around her waist, she went around just about every single thing in our way, and after a minute I lost count of how many laws she was breaking, eventually we turned into an ally, going deeper to the point when I could barely see. She stopped, getting off and opening the wired fence, driving past it until we reached a house probably two stories, with peeling paint off the brick, and a medal plated door with wood over it keeping it shut.

"What in the hell Dusk! I thought that you said you were taking me to your hideout, and you take me here?" I was fully prepared to take out my gun and shoot her if the situation called for it. This could have been a trap all along; at this moment I wasn't sure if I could trust her.

"Well, I know that it doesn't look like much, but this actually is the hideout," she got off and went to the door motioning for me to come too. "Now are you sure you still wanna join, this would be your last chance to turn away and go back to your normal life, after this you will become a part of the clan and never be able to leave."

"Turn back now, you have got to be joking me. No way in hell would I turn away now."

"Okay then," She pulled off her necklace, it was one of a jeweled cross cracked and broken at one bottom end, it a way it kind of looked like some sort of demented… She moved one of the wooden planks up, proving that it wasn't nailed completely and stuck it into the lock, _'Ha, it was some sort of weirdly demented key!' _She pulled the door open towards us showing that the planks were just for show, and were not actually nailed into the wall, just the door. Inside it was incredibly dark, with no furniture at all just some ripped up floorboards, shredded carpet and lots of dust. I heard her lock the door behind us.

"What the hell is this?" _Is she really planning to kill me? It would be so easy in such a remote location, and no one would find my body. Maybe she wants revenge for killing her Clanmate or something._

"Come on, just follow me boy, there isn't anything to be afraid of," she held out her hand offering to navigate me through the darkness. "Well, are you going to come with me or not?" I grabbed her hand and she ran through a couple of hallways until she reached a door, using her key again she opened it. "Watch your step here, there are stairs." She locked the door behind us and started down dragging me behind her, and through the black curtain at the bottom, where I was soon overwhelmed by light. "I'M BACK EVERYBODY" I heard some greeting by some surrounding people and as my eyes finished adjusting I noticed that there weren't too many people, really no more then twenty. The room was circular and probably a little less then 100 meters in diameter. The room had two other hallways branching off at the opposite end of the room, and despite the fact that the walls were gray bricks it was decorated nicely with couches and wood tables on some parts of the perimeter, but the whole center was otherwise empty with exception of the people taking up its space, and following their stares I realized I was still holding Dusks hand, which I quickly released as a girl came up to us.

"Hiya Dusk! What's happenin'? Oooooh, goody you brought a friend!" she had straight blond hair and purple eyes, obviously colored contacts, behind a pair of regular circular glasses, and there was something about her, her face and the way she spoke that seemed painfully familiar.

"Yes, He's the new addition I said I would be joining us. His name is Mello."

"Mello huh? Hmm, last time I checked his name was Gergen Yoshiko." _'Holy shit! I remember her now!'_

"Cade, you know him?" Dusk asked a little puzzled and looking a bit awkward.

"Yah, he came into my shop asking for a job yesterday, I knew we would meet again Mello" she patted my shoulder. _'If she's in this clan then I really don't think that I want to be.' _"Oh, and everything that happened the other day, I was just messin' with you, I do that to everyone. You know I have to put up a front for everyone else. I don't want any trouble with some people.

"That's great Cade, but right now I have some business, feel free to talk to Mello a little later."

"Yeah yeah, I understand that you need to talk to the boss."

"Follow me," she led me across the room to a young boy, probably a year or two younger then me, and as I took a better look at him I realized that his facial features slightly resembled Near's. _'Damn I hate that kid, he always had to be one step ahead of me. I hope he's dead now, maybe he chocked on one of his fucking Lego's or something.'_ Just like Near this kid was kind of short and pale, though unlike Near he had very dark black hair and brilliant emerald green eyes. "Don't just stand there you idiot greet our leader Shadow!" she elbowed me but I hardly noticed, _'Leader?' _I had almost jumped out of my skin; I mean how could a _child_ be the leader?

"Welcome to our humble home Mello," he politely greeted me.

"Yes, I don't know how to thank you for allowing me here," Boy he sure didn't sound like Near at all, he had the same serious monotone voice, but it wasn't soft and girly like Nears, it was lower and rougher.

"So, Dusk tells me that you wish to join my clan, well you being here is proof enough of that, but I would like to hear it from you." _'Clan, Clan, Clan, yah whatever that's just their freaky way of saying gang.'_

"She has told me many good things about you, and I cannot say that you will be completely trusted here after you join, after what happened with Stone, but like they say trust before being trusted, so if Dusk trusts you then so do I."

She smiled, "Yes I trust him completely, he will make a fine addition to our clan Master Shadow." _'M-master? Where in hell did that come from, I understand that he is her boss and stuff, but I could never imagine calling a kid who resembles Near Master.'_

"Very well, at midnight tonight, during the crescent moon we will hold your initiation, but before that Dusk and I must talk with you privately."

He looked toward Dusk and she turned to everyone in the room, "Disperse, or the wrath of Darkness shall be upon you and reap your soul you while you dream!" At that moment everyone shuffled out of the room. _'This place is overflowing with molten crazy, and Dusk is the core of the volcano.'_

"Thank you Dusk." She nodded and we walked over to one of the couches and sat down.

"Honestly I do not know if you are ready to join us, but our initiation is different, and we are not violent in nature so I will not be asking you to kill anyone, so you do not need to worry about that, and neither do you look like a Chaos so doing something that would get you into trouble would make no sense."

"Wait, what do you mean?" I interrupted feeling like I was missing something important. "You said I didn't look like a Chaos, and I have a feeling it doesn't just mean destruction and anarchy."

"No," Dusk began, "Do you want me to explain?"

"Yes Dusk, go on ahead and explain, he will have to know and understand it all sooner or later and now seems like it would be the best time." Shadow said in my place.

"Chaos is what we call those of our rival, no not even rival, enemy clan. We are the Clan of Night Crest, in other words we are Nights of Darkness, they are the Clan of Enlightened Chaos, so in other words they are the Chaos of Lights. Are you following me so far?" _'Clans with freaky names, yah I totally get it, and now I discover that there's more than just one.'_

"Not really actually I am not following you at all."

"What don't you understand, I'll explain from here." Shadow said.

"Well, explain why the names are important and why Chaos are your enemies and everything."

"It stared at the beginning of time," he began, "there were two single forces, Light and Darkness, who where two infinitely powerful creatures, Gods if you will, but each force was trying relentlessly to conquer the other force, and eventually one force gained too much power and blew up creating our universe. The whole thing is really a big belief system, but because those forces existed we have all the opposing forces today, fire and water, ups and downs, night and day, Satan and Christ, physical and mental, and of course Light and Dark, I'm sure this is all overwhelming, but bear with me. Now contrary to popular belief, Darkness was the better force, it was peaceful, and not violent. It doesn't have a malicious intent to kill, but will kill for a good reason, like what you did for Dusk, and thank goodness that you did, it would have been so devastating for us to loose our second in command." _'Wow, second in command, that's interesting, I wonder what she must have done to have obtained that position.'_ "People in our clan are chosen by Darkness, for the deeds they have done pleased him greatly. Everyone here follows the will of Darkness. Chaos, however, are exactly everything we aren't so they are chosen for wrong reasons, however don't get me wrong, we are both bad, but Chaos are worse. The reason we are called what we are called is that we are the Nights of Darkness the all powerful force. They are the Chaos of Lights, the second force. How do I know that you are not a Chaos? Nights and Chaos have hated each other from the beginning of time, and you would have killed Dusk on the spot if you were one, Chaos would have jumped at the chance to kill a Night. Second, you do not posses their clan symbol on your left shoulder. When you become a Night you will receive our clan symbol on your right shoulder. Do you understand it now?"

"Surprisingly I think that I do." _'Despite the fact that, that story was almost the weirdest thing I have ever heard.'_

"Is it too much for you, do you think that you will be able to handle the different parts of our clan, to understand and embrace our ways? Are you still willing to become one of us?"

"Yes, I am." _'Honestly I think all of this is a bunch of shit, but it's whatever they believe, and if they're looking for someone who is loyal, despite the fact that I was in the mafia at one point, I am definitely their guy.'_

"Good, then I have one more question for you. Dusk please go and get Misty." She dashed off and returned with another girl, who looked around Shadows age, and she was small like him too. She had short fluffy looking brown hair and very very pale blue eyes that shone with many different emotions but it was difficult just to pick out one in particular. Her eyes widened when she looked at me, then she just smiled a kind smile.

"Misty, would you mind…" Shadow began.

"No not at all, I'm glad that my abilities can be put to good use Master." Her voice was soft and gentle, she motioned for me to sit on the floor and she kneeled down in front of me, she was more cute then attractive, and didn't look like she had much of a bite to her, but I don't really know what to expect from a crazy clan like this. Misty put her hands on both sides of my head, "Do not move," she mumbled and I wondered what was going on, she put her forehead against mine and closed her eyes, I sat perfectly still, _'this is really freaky,_' "Calm down and focus," and after another couple seconds she spoke again, "Okay Shadow."

"All right, Mello, it is very important that you answer truthfully. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Mello, are you in love?"

Authors Note: Why would Shadow be asking a question like that? Hahaha, wait until the next chapter to find out. Anyway I'm sorry if the story has gotten a little weird, but it's supposed to be like that. I am also not trying to push any kind of religious prospects on you, and none of what I talked about is true. It was just something I put together on the spot. Anyway please review if you like something or don't, and I have no promises about when chapter four will be completed, but I have chapter outlines for the next four chapters. Just remember that I am an incredibly lazy creature, and if you review I promise I'll get the next chapter done before the 12th.


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Death Note in any way; the only thing that is mine is my OC's and my plot.

Authors Note: Here it is, Chapter 4, as promised. Now, I have been listening to this radio show called Love Line, and it keeps me up late at night, but I felt like I had to incorporate it into my writing in some way so… yeah. Anyway, I am planning to get most of this story posted before the end of the summer because I'm moving in with my dad, who is awesome by the way, but he doesn't have wireless internet for my laptop, since he's still running Windows 98. My mom is way different and kind of a nut. I told her I wanted the new Marilyn Manson CD, and she thought I was talking about the serial killer then called it devil music and told me I couldn't have it. My dad would say "Marilyn Mason, lets go get it, just let me rip it on my Xbox first!" Yep, those people I am related to.

Summary: I feel like I'm being choked, but there's no noose. I feel like I'm drowning, but there's no water. I feel like I'm dreaming, but he hasn't kissed me. Maybe this is what one feels like before he completely dies from the inside.

Pairings: MattxMello (Mello's POV)

Characters: Mello, Matt, Dusk, Shadow, Misty, Cadence Byron

Warnings: Lets see here, sometimes by giving out warnings it only makes people want to read it more… wait, that's a good thing!

First of all: Yaoi… which in terms for little kids, is basically two guys who really really like each other and that can lead to doing grown up things, like silly bedroom games, and if you don't know what I mean by now then perhaps you should leave. I mean there is a reason that this is rated T.

There's also going to be some cussing.

Chapter 4

"Mello, are you in love?"

I tensed and felt a lump swell up in my throat as images of Matt flew threw my mind. I blinked, "N-No, I am most certainly not in love." I finally answered hoping my response hadn't been delayed too long.

"Hmmm, is he lying Misty?" Shadow asked, then I realized that she had let go and was now standing up. _'Wait, why is he asking her? Can she read minds or something? This is bad, they don't need to find out that I am actually in love, and with another guy!'_

"Well…" she began blinking twice then placed up two fingers. _'W-wait what does that mean? Is she telling him that I love two people or what? Maybe it means something important, like a code language.'_

"Well, what did you see?"

"I saw some past loves, beautiful women that he had loved, and how they had left him after he got that scar you see on his face. He has never loved since, or as far as I can tell." She smiled at me, "There's no need to worry about anything like that here, we will all accept you, and if you wish to share more about yourself then we are all here to listen."

'What in the hell was that? None of that was true? Maybe she just wants everyone to believe that she can read minds… or maybe she is making up something in place of what she really saw. That would make a lot more sense then her just lying since I could expose her. But why? Why would she do that for me? Like they say, everything comes at a price.'

"I see. It's good that you do not love anyone, that way there is nothing occupying your mind when you have a duty to perform, or if you are fighting for your life. This also means that your clan should come first. Anyway, you would be amazed what people would do for someone they love." _'You don't have to tell me this, I'm the one joining your clan for the man I love.' _

"Now that's all cleared up," Dusk began, smiling happily, "It's almost time for your initiation into our clan. Misty will get who else is needed, and Mello, come with me." She led me down some stairs between the two main hallways at the front of the room. Down there was another circular room, being illuminated by several small candles on the perimeter with exception of the front of the room leaving it rather dark. The room had to me no more then 30 feet in diameter, and there were seven more candles in another circular shape, within the first, plus a eighth near the front wall. Seconds later we were rejoined by Shadow, Misty, and five other people. "Sit here," Dusk whispered motioning to the center of the circle of candles. She sat next to me, as the other five crowded close to me also. Shadow stood at the front.

"On this night, the night of the crescent moon we come before you, Darkness, with another soul wishing to follow in your ways and perform according to your will. He has saved Dusk from a fate whose indignity is not worth mentioning, and killed Stone with a single motive of saving her. We know that it was you who set this up so that we would find him, and bring him before you. Is this truly your will for him to become a Night?" We sat in silence for a moment, and suddenly two candles near the back of the room went out. And Shadow nodded toward Dusk. "We are ready to begin." _'What? That was just the introduction of the ceremony, what if Darkness hadn't approved me?'_

"Mello, Decedents of Darkness have existed for all of time, but it is now that we have found each other and came together forming the clan you have seen within these walls. As a member there are the three basic laws at which you must follow. First, you are to never draw the blood of another member. Second, never steal from another member. And third, never deceive the family. Following that there are two more infinitely important laws, which would be followed before the other three. These are that outsiders are forbidden from knowing about this clan, and anyone knowing about it will be disposed of quickly and effectively. Lastly, and the most important, is that you must follow the will of Darkness, and never let a single Chaos get the better of you. Mello, do you swear to uphold the laws created by Darkness, embrace our ways with enthusiasm, dedication and loyalty. To stand by your family through times of misfortune and celebration, to follow the will, and only the will of Darkness, and that all Chaos will be scum at the bottom of your feet. Do you choose to become one of us, or decline and die where you stand?" Everyone in the room withdrew a knife. The tension was incerdible, I looked to Dusk, her eyes screaming, _'Say Yes, Say Yes!' _

"Yes Master Shadow, I accept these terms as a Night who will follow the will of Darkness, even to the grave." _'I would have to say that it wasn't becoming that hard to call him Master Shadow, since he is becoming more and more intimidating every second, and Near was not the least bit intimidating.'_

"Good," he smiled coming closer and leaning a beautiful silver blade against my right arm, my eyes widened as I leaned slightly toward Dusk.

She placed a cold pale hand into mine and whispered, "Do not look so frightened this is part of the initiation." I nodded still paying close attention to the blade. In one swift motion I saw Shadow raise the blade, "By the will of Darkness, and the mark I will leave, may you forever be loyal to the Clan of Night Crest as a Night of Darkness!" His voice echoed throughout the small room, then the blade came down slicing my skin as easily as it would have a piece of fruit, leaving behind a crescent shape wound and I watched as the ruby liquid flowed down my arm like a crimson waterfall. Shadow lit the two candles on the far end of the wall. "Now, on the wall in front of you, I wish for you to write your alias, and below it your real name." _'Real name, and in what? My own blood? He had to be out of his mind.' _

I looked back at Dusk who motioned toward the wall. _'No one knows my real name but Matt. I could always write a fake name, maybe even Nears name, but that girl, Misty, does she know my name, would she know if I faked it? Would she tell Shadow? Crap. Well, I guess it doesn't matter, what can you do with just a name? I don't think they have a Death Note, and I'm not in any position to become the next L, so no one really ends up hurt.'_

I looked up at the wall, all the names and aliases up on it, and finding a spot I quickly wrote it down too, though my handwriting wasn't the best, or maybe I just wanted to make sure they couldn't read it. After that I saw one of the men that came in with Shadow at my side as he started sewing stitches into my arm, wiping off the blood, and Misty covered it with a black bandana. Shadow smiled as everyone backed away and lit their candles, which all had different colored flames making the room a rainbow of colors. "I, Shadow, the leader of Night Crest welcome you, Miheal Keehl, to our clan!" He came up and gave me a tight embrace. Then Dusk stood up.

"I, Dusk, second in command of Night Crest welcome you."

"I, Misty, Listener of Night Crest welcome you." She said standing up too. The next person was the boy who patched up my arm, he was around my age with jet-black hair, his bangs slightly covering his left eye.

"I, Coal, Medic of Night Crest welcome you." Next was the weirdest chick in the bunch.

"I, Cade, Eyes of Night Crest welcome you." Then was a boy I had never seen, he had ruffled light brown hair, and was probably too skinny for his own good.

"I, Scratch, Strategist of Night Crest welcome you." The last guy was all muscle probably the oldest one of us here, but only by one or two years, he had obviously shaved his head.

"And I, Wolf, Brawn of Night Crest welcome you."

"We are here because we are all the best at our given field, and now you Mello, blow out a candle so that we may give you your title." Shadow said after everyone was finished welcoming me. _'I have no clue what blowing out a candle had to do with anything but hey, I could give it a shot.'_

For some bizarre reason the orange candle was appealing to me most, maybe because the flame reminded me ever so slightly of Matt's eyes, that would be something to tell him later, _'Hey Matt, I joined this crazy new gang who follow this freaky guy named Darkness, and I had to blow out a candle for my initiation, and I picked the one that reminded me of you.'_

Shadow's eyes widened as I bent down and blew out the orange candle, "What possessed you to choose that one?" he asked.

'_I knew now that lying was against the rules, and I had lied once before, but then again so did Misty though it's not as though if I lie Darkness will really come down and steal my soul, but there is just something that's compelling me to tell the truth, maybe because now I have a family, people who will listen. Maybe I will just stretch the truth for the time being.'_ "Okay, I know someone who has eyes that have a bit of that color in it, so I wanted to pick a color I could relate to," I shrugged.

"That makes sense, I just thought it was weird."

"Why is that weird?" Everyone was silent as though they already understood, and that they understood something I didn't… something important, even Dusk who loves to answer my questions was silent.

"It's just that," he began, "That was the color that Stone picked when he first joined the clan. So therefore, I will give you his old position, since we were in need of a new one to fill that hole. I don't know why nobody ever wants to choose orange." He sighed, "Anyway, we all welcome you once again Mello, the Heart of Night Crest."

"The Heart… what exactly does that mean?" I asked hoping that it wasn't some girly title I could get made fun of for having.

"Well, it's a very important position," Dusk began, "it's the life of the clan, one of the most trusted members. It's the enforcer of our laws, and if trouble arises you are usually first one that Shadow will come to when picking punishments depending on what occurred."

"When the clan was put together, the first heart was the one who spoke to Darkness and received the laws, to which he told the first leader." Misty added.

"W-wait does this mean I will have to have one on one talks with Darkness?"

"No, he rarely speaks unless it is a time of immense death and destruction. You will not have to speak to him. That is not your job. Now the jobs of the rest of us are self explanatory, but if you ever have any questions feel free to ask Dusk." He paused, "It's quite late, and it would be smart to get some sleep before tomorrow. Scratch, Mello doesn't have a room yet, will you find him one?"

"Actually," Dusk interrupted, "he could stay with me, since Stones room is already occupied by Coal and Scratch."

"Mello, is that all right with you if you share a room with Dusk? Of course you will have your own bed."

Misty spoke next, "That, I believe would be an excellent idea, Master. Since Mello is new to the clan it would be easier for him to catch on being around your second in command, and if he ever has any questions he won't have to hunt her down and accidentally get lost down here."

"An excellent point Misty," Shadow said, "So it's settled then, Mello, go with Dusk and she will show you to your room."

I really didn't think that was fair. They didn't even ask for my opinion at all. It will be really weird having to share a room with a girl, and not just a girl, a fully matured girl. Back at Wammy's house I shared a room with Matt, but that was completely different, and he would stay up all night every night playing video games.

"Come on Mello," she led me back up the stars and into the hallway on the right hand side. She led me down the hallway stopping at the second room down. "This is my room," she smiled, "and starting today it's your room too." It was a pretty basic room. There were of course two beds, and two wooden chests, probably for clothes, and maybe other personal items. It was obvious that rooms here weren't used for much more then the simple purpose of sleeping.

"Well, goodnight Mello, get some sleep since there are some other people in the clan that I want you to meet, and get better acquainted with tomorrow."

She was out in no more then a fraction of a second, but every time I closed my eyes I would see Misty in front of me, forehead against mine, and Shadow asking his question, "Mello, are you in love?" And each time I would deny it. Why, why do I have to feel so guilty about lying. Maybe their crazy ways are rubbing off, maybe Darkness didn't want me to break his rule, or maybe I just want to tell someone. I got up out of the bed, looking over at Dusk to make sure she was still sleeping. Thank God she was. I crept out the door, and started down the hallway thinking that I had made it unnoticed.

"You were five minutes later then I had predicted, Mello," it was Misty's voice, and I hope it was dark enough that she had not seen me jump.

"What the hell are you doing up Misty, and right outside my bedroom?"

"Well, I would be asking you the same thing if I did not already know. So tell me, that boy, Matt, what is it that you like about him?"

"W-What, what are you saying girl? You think that you can read minds or something?" Though by now I'm pretty sure that she could.

"I am the Listener of this clan for a reason. Most people believe that the Listener is the one that talks to Darkness, but that is not the case. What I did with you when Shadow asked you that question, I can look into peoples minds and see everything that they're thinking about at that moment, and I feel everything that they were feeling during those times, they are usually very strong, like yours were. So you like him, and he likes you?"

"Where did you get that idea?" I asked hoping that maybe she knew something I didn't.

"I saw you and him in your mind, he was going to kiss you."

"Actually that was a dream I had." I sighed, feeling embarrassed.

"Oh, that's the one flaw with my ability, I cannot really tell the difference between dreams or reality, unless you are making the distinction in your mind. You just flashed all those images really fast, and I mistook them all for memories. Come on, lets go talk with Shadow now." _'I may be able to use that information about her ability to my advantage next time.'_

He was sitting on his bed when Misty led me in. "I told you he would be awake."

"Why yes you did, but I did not doubt you for a moment." He said, "Here take a seat Mello." The room had really good lighting, and for the first time I noticed that Shadow had a lot of scars all over his body, and the light shone off the skin in a pretty cool way, and it wasn't just him Misty had some scars, and even some burn marks too. Maybe this is why people haven't made comments on my scars yet, maybe they're sensitive about it, or maybe it brings back some painful memories, so maybe people don't talk about mine for reasons like that, maybe I shouldn't ask about theirs. "Do you have something to tell me, I've been waiting here for a while?"

"Didn't Misty already tell you?"

"No, she only gave me the sign that you were lying when you said you weren't in love, but I could tell that she did not want me to expose you for a certain reason, but I have yet to discover that reason, she said that it would be better if you were the one to tell me." I sat down on the bed next to him, while Misty sat down on the bed across from his. They probably shared a room together like Dusk and I did. "Go on ahead Mello, we do not judge people here, we are all family and you could tell me absolutely anything."

"Well, I'd better start out with an apology, so Master Shadow, I apologize for lying earlier, and I am in fact in love." My heart tightened at having to admit it.

"And who are you in love with?" I was silent. "Are you going to tell me, you came here to tell the truth right? It's late and you are wasting the night Mello."

"I'm, well, I'm in love with," I looked over at Misty and she motioned for me to go on, she mouthed _'tell him or I will'_ I definitely didn't want her to be the one to tell him. "Okay fine, I'm in love with a guy named Matt!" I said both embarrassed and annoyed that they made me admit such a thing. I looked at Shadow whose eyes betrayed a bit of surprise, and then I looked away.

"Wow, I'm impressed that you had the guts to be able to reveal that Mello, come on and turn towards me again, there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of." I looked back at him to see that his face was serious again. "Now Mello are you absolutely sure that this is love?"

"Yeah, I've never been more sure of anything in my life." I mumbled

"Well, have you ever been in love before?"

"No."

"There you see, you might just believe that this is love, when it's more like an attraction to someone you've known for a long time. What were your parents like Mello?"

"My mother died giving birth to me, and my father contracted leukemia when I was six, but he was a great man, he was a hard worker and would play games with me all the time before he contracted it. I would spend so much time at his bedside, not knowing what was wrong, he would tell me that everything was going to be okay, that soon he'd be better and we would go outside and play baseball or something" I shrugged, "He never got better, and died."

"You see, you never spent time with a woman, so you would have no interest in one… you grew up with your father, believing in him to provide for you and love you, and to you he loved you more then any woman did."

"Since you never had a woman in your life to love, when you're old enough to actually fall in love, you'll turn to other men rather then a woman." Misty added.

"So you're telling me that's why I'm gay?"

"You see, I don't actually believe that you're gay. I just believe that you feel a strong attraction for him, maybe because he was there for you when you needed him."

"So you're telling me I can have an attraction for a guy and not be gay? Either way I really feel like it's more then an attraction, I love him; I have all the symptoms girls talk about when they talk about a boy they love. So doesn't that mean I must be gay?"

"Well, I have a test that can prove if you are or not." Shadow smiled

"What test?" Misty and I questioned at the same time.

"Now, I'm going to ask you a question, and it is incredibly important that you answer truthfully. I'll need you to concentrate, and don't freak out." I nodded my understanding just wishing he would hurry up and ask his goddamned question already. Then before another second could pass I felt his warm lips push gently against mine. I almost had a panic attack and I tried to back away, but I fell backwards, and ended up laying on the bed with Shadow on top of me still in a kiss. He leaned back up ending the kiss and I pushed him off me.

"What the hell was that Shadow!" I screamed at him forming my hand into a fist, I knew I could take him, and he deserved a good sock to the face, but before I could get to him Misty was behind me holding me back. "Misty let me go, He deserves to get his face knocked in! Didn't you just see what happened!"

"Calm down Mello, obviously I wasn't coming onto you, but I still have to ask you my question." He said, completely normal as if he hadn't done anything.

I sighed, still fuming, "And what the fuck is your question?"

"Did you feel anything?"

"Hell no, what in hell would make you think that I would be attracted to you… you asshole!"

"Listen Mello, if you were truly gay then you would have felt something, whether you liked me or not. So basically you are perfectly straight, your friend Matt is the exception of the rule. But you have to know something, if you ever want to be close to him you cannot let anyone else know, if a Chaos were to get this information he will be in danger."

At that moment I completely forgot about being mad at him. "You mean they would attack him to get at me?"

"Yes," Misty answered, "They would do anything to get at our clan, but Shadow, what you told him at the end I think he already knew, you went too far when you kissed him." She sighed looking down at the floor. I would have to agree with her; he did go a little to far. Though I sensed something weird here, you'd think she would be laughing or something, not acting depressed like that.

"Well, actually, he thought that he was completely gay, but now I believe that he has a different state of mind, and that he could fall in love with a woman if he were to give one a chance, but of course that's completely up to him. Now Mello, I know what I did was inappropriate, but I had a purpose, but… I can tell that you weren't too happy about it, actually you acted angrier then I imagined. Can you forgive me, I can assure you that I have no attraction for you."

"Yah, I guess I can forgive you," Misty released me, though it's not really as if she overpowered me I could have escaped her at any time, but she would have gotten hurt in the process.

"Do you forgive me too Misty?" Shadow asked

"Why would you need to ask for her permission, it's not like you kissed her!?"

He smiled a mischievous smile and pulled her into a deep kiss. She didn't object to this or try to get away like I did, instead she kissed him back and after it ended she looked flustered, and Shadow looked slightly aroused.

"What the hell just happened? You just kiss me, and then you go kiss her? A little horny tonight aren't you Shadow?" I glared at him, and he just kept smiling.

Misty started laughing, "Well are you Shadow?"

"Since when did you get in this? I kissed you because I love you, I don't love him."

"Wait, you've lost me? You love her? You shouldn't kiss other people with your girlfriend in the room!" I scolded him.

"It's okay, because all the activity has made him horny," she continued to laugh, "I think I'll sleep in Cade's room tonight."

He sighed, "That's no way to talk to your leader, but fine I deserve it anyway."

"Awww, you're no fun to mess with, but if we're doing something tonight I wanna do it my way." By now she had stopped laughing, but was still smiling.

"Uhhh, should I leave?" I was beginning to feel extremely awkward.

"Well, I think we've finished up here with him right?" he asked looking at Misty who was now in his arms.

"Yeah, goodnight Mello."

"All right, you two keep it down now, and always use protection." I laughed, but couldn't help feeling jealous of them, I would love to have something like that with Matt, where he'd kiss me and tell me he loved me, and do whatever they're planning on doing. It's just not fair.

When I got back to the bedroom I was shocked to discover that Dusk was awake. "Hey Mello, you were gone a long time. Would you mind telling me where you snuck off to?"

Authors Note: I feel like my chapters keep getting longer and longer so this one has to end. No Shadow will not be one of Mello's love interests. He only kissed him for the sole purpose of helping Mello come to terms with his sexuality, and too many people like Mello already, though most of you don't know it yet. Anyway, please please please please please review and I'll put up my next chapter before the 13th. If you don't like something then I will have to go and cry in lonely corner until I completely drown in my mass amounts of fail, or decide to make changes. Nonetheless have a good day people!


	5. Chapter 5

I own nothing, and if you didn't know that by now you must not be too bright.

Authors Note: Okay, this is chapter 5, and I just finished drinking a lot of Mountain Dew, the king of all caffeinated drinks. Though I didn't drink as much as I did one day. I drank three cans of Code Red Mountain Dew at school, and that was one of the only things I actually drank that day or even had in my stomach for that matter, and I didn't feel the effects until much later that day, but my heart started beating a million miles and hour and I was shaking profusely. I also got this strange craving to eat something really sweet, and we had no sugary food in my house, (since my mom runs a health food store) so I ate so many Froot Loops that I felt like I was going to throw up. Moral of the story, never drink three cans of Code Red Mountain Dew, because you will get an insane craving for Froot Loops and get sick. Nevertheless, there's a lot to this plot that I need to have said, and the personalities of all the people, and that is important for the events that may or may not surprise you in the future. And wow, I guess I did have quite a bit to say. ^_^

Summary: I feel like I'm being choked, but there's no noose. I feel like I'm drowning, but there's no water. I feel like I'm dreaming, but he hasn't kissed me. Maybe this is what one feels like before he completely dies from the inside.

Pairings: MattxMello ShadowxMisty (Mello's POV)

Characters: Mello, Matt, Dusk, Shadow, Misty, Cade, Coal, Scratch, and Wolf

Warnings:

First of all: Yaoi… which in terms for little kids, is basically two guys who really really like each other… and that can lead to doing grown up things, like silly bedroom games, and if you don't know what I mean by now then perhaps you should leave. I mean there is a reason that this is rated T.

There's also going to be some cussing.

Chapter 5

When I got back to the bedroom I was shocked to discover that Dusk was awake. "Hey Mello, you were gone a long time. Would you mind telling me where you snuck off to?" Her cat-like eyes glowed in the darkness, and I flipped on the light, watching her blink a few times as her eyes adjusted.

'_Crap'_ I was almost positive that she had been sleeping when I left the room, but maybe I was wrong.

"Well… are you going to tell me or am I going to have to force it out of you." I didn't really know what she meant or what kind of methods she would use, but I did know that I really didn't like the sound of that.

"I went and had a talk with Shadow." That seemed like a good enough answer, and this time I technically wasn't lying.

"What did you go and talk to him about." _'Shit, I was hoping that she wouldn't ask any more questions… I wanted to get to sleep, and I didn't feel like answering more of her questions, but it was stupid of me to think that someone as nosy as her would be content with such a simple answer.'_

"Why don't you go ask him and Misty later?" I questioned hoping that this could get me out of the situation, though there was no telling what Shadow would tell her when she asked though. He would probably say something like this: _'Why yes he came and saw me, and we had a relatively long conversation about his sexuality before deciding that he was perfectly straight with exception of one boy he loves with all his heart.'_ Somehow I didn't believe that would blow over too well, and who knows how everyone would treat me after that got out.

"Why would I want to talk to them later when I can get it from you now? I just think that it's really suspicious that you would go and have a conversation with Shadow at around 1:30, and now it's almost 3:00. And when did Misty get into this? Usually when Shadow talks with someone it's one on one. What did you guys talk about that would have required her to be there too?" '_Honestly, was there no end to her stream of questions?'_

"Who said that she was in the room, I just said that because if you wanted to talk to him tomorrow, chances are that she would be with him."

"Really? What makes you say that?" she had a suspicious look in her eyes; like I knew something she didn't know I did.

"Well, perhaps the fact that they love each other?"

"Oh, well I didn't know that you knew about that, most people in the clan are surprised to discover this, they aren't too observant, and I just assumed that you didn't know this either." She shrugged, like my answer had cleared everything up

"Well you know what they say about assuming…"

"Yeah yeah, don't go there Mello."

I laughed, "Sorry," _'this is my chance to change the subject,_' "So when did they get together? Not to be rude or anything, but Shadow doesn't quite look like the type who would fall in love. He looks so serious, and wouldn't having a relationship in the clan be bad for it, you know, put us in more danger than we are already in?" This question seemed to really grab her attention.

"Well actually there's a long story behind it… but I'm sure you won't want to hear it."

'_And if I don't want to hear it, she goes right back to nosing into my business,'_ "On the contrary Dusk, you have my full attention."

"Well in that case, Four years back, when Shadow was only 14, he came back here with Misty, she was only thirteen years old, and looked like a complete wreck." _'Wow, Shadow's actually a lot older than I thought. He looks more like he's sixteen.' _"She was dirty and had pure terror and trauma lingering in her pale blue eyes, and that was when Shadow had announced that she had killed her family." Dusk was shaking her head, "This would normally be the behavior of a Chaos, killing the people that should be closer to you then anyone, so immediately everyone hated her. They would glare at her with inconsolable hatred, like she was an abomination, and nobody would even talk to her, but contrary to everybody's beliefs at the time, she had a perfectly valid reason for doing such a thing. She was terribly abused by them, only Shadow knows exactly what they did to her, but from what he's told me… they…" she took a deep breath, probably not only to gather her thoughts but to prepare herself for what she was about to say, "her mother would cut her whenever she was upset, even if Misty didn't do anything wrong, and I don't mean a little scrape, I mean slice. On top of that her father would beat her, until she couldn't move, and would… more or less… rape her afterwards." She wrapped her arms around her body as if the thought of it was going to make her sick, "I also heard that she had an older brother who was a drug addict and would 'bargain' her of to friends for some extra cash, and who knows what they did to her." She looked relatively angry, like if she ever found them she would kill them on the spot.

I had a new found respect for the Misty; to have gone through that and not be completely messed up was pretty amazing. What Dusk told me also explained why Misty had so many scars on her body, and the truth killed me a little bit. It was stuff like that that made me glad this clan existed, to give people a home, and a family, with people who will love them and protect them from all the cruelties of the outside world.

"Shadow brought her here, and promised her a better life, and though people hated her and threatened her life, Shadow promised her protection and she accepted. However she didn't talk to anyone with exception of Shadow for a long period of time. She would go with him everywhere he went, and I remember him telling me the first day he started developing feelings for her, _'She's like nothing I've ever seen Dusk,'_ he said to me, _'I feel like she's a piece of me that has been missing for so long, that for her I can do anything, and I don't know why'_ I suggested to him that he may be thinking of her as more then just a fellow clan mate, that maybe Darkness made sure that all those things happened to her so that she could come here and become one of us, and be with him as something more, but also be a great addition to the clan." She smiled, "I was watching when he made his first move, when they kissed so passionately for the first time, when they first confessed their love for each other… and they were meant to be Mello." She was smiling now, but it was the kind of smile that says she fantasizing about something… maybe wishing she had someone like Shadow in her life to love her.

"That's pretty cool how it happened," and how jealous I was that it is not the type of relationship that Matt and I share, "but how exactly did Shadow find out that she could read minds? If he didn't know until after they were together couldn't she have used it to her advantage and figure out how he feels about her?"

"Well, actually, she told him when they first met, but he didn't tell any of the other clan members but me, until she was officially a member. I suppose she could have used it to find out, but she is better than that, and she isn't the type to manipulate people."

"Oh…" '_just keep her talking Mello,_' "and when you suggested to Shadow all those years ago, that Darkness made her go through all that to be in the clan, don't you think that he could have been a little nicer about it? I mean sure she has Shadow now, but Darkness put her though so much."

"Darkness is fair to all his children, and does repay them for their troubles, but what people tend to believe about their Christian god, is not true about ours, because ours does favor some people over another for particular reasons, like maybe their faith and loyalty for instance. It's like how a mother will value a certain child more than another, because one does more chores or shows more respect." _'That actually makes sense, and it is more fair than one may think.'_

"So you're saying that he may favor you over Misty?" Somehow, I managed to get to that conclusion from what she was saying, but I didn't know how.

"I'm not quite sure, but I do think he made it up to her, for putting her through all that pain, before she was even born. He gave her the ability to read minds, I don't know of any other clan members with that ability, but if there ever was one he or she would have died almost seven years ago, along with most of the clan at that time. Anyway Misty also has a guy, so does he favor me more? I honestly don't know. But he gives us what he thinks we need." She shrugged.

'_It seems like she has finally forgotten about pestering me about what I was talking to Shadow about earlier, but now I have a few more questions,'_ "So you said he or she would have died along with most of the clan almost seven years ago, what did you mean?"

"Oh! Well, you see, Shadow and I go way back, to when we were both around five years old. Shadow was born into the clan, his father, Crow, was our leader, and his mother, Luna, was our heart. My earliest memories are being with the clan, but I do remember what happened to my parents. My mother had been crying when she found out that my father had died in a car accident, and that night I watched her commit suicide. I guess that was because she didn't quite love me, and she figured she couldn't live without him." Dusk shrugged. "Oh well, but anyway I was scared after that so I went outside and said that I was going to find Dad for her, I didn't quite understand what death was at the time, and that he wouldn't come back. I thought I could find him that maybe she would come back. Please keep in mind here that I was only five, and anyway I ended up walking into the old Night Crest territory, but luckily Shadow's mother found me and invited me into the clan, we were both ten when we were formally inducted however. And now to answer your question. A Chaos found out where our hideout was and brought their whole clan to kill us. Shadows parents hid both him and I, since we were only 11 at the time, they spoke to us these exact words, and I shall never forget them as long as I shall live, _'Today will not be a battle young ones, but a massacre, and we will mostly likely perish, but through this you must not grieve for us, but rebuild the clan to be stronger and better than ever. May Darkness shroud you from all that is occurring so that the clan may live on. We love you both.'_ Then they left." She sighed, "Afterward we had to relocate. We have since been in hiding, secretly rebuilding what they believed to have destroyed, but as long as the night is dark, we will thrive and prosper."

"Wow…" I was at a loss of words, I didn't know what to say, it seems like they had been through so much from the point at which they were just small children, and it made me absolutely curious to the stories of all the other clan members, but I don't think I would be able to take another depressing story. I looked back over at Dusk who seemed to be struggling to stay awake, her eyes would start closing, but she would force them open as soon as they did, her head nodding downward then back up as she fought her drowsiness. It wasn't too long after that did she allow herself to fall to the side, and land herself on her pillow.

I sighed, she was no superhuman and she was probably very busy yesterday, I can't blame her. I tuned the light off and she sprung up, "No, I just remembered something important!" I jumped; _'she never ceases to scare the shit out of me.'_ I sure as hell hope she wasn't about to go back to asking about what I talked about with Shadow.

"Are you sure that this can't wait until morning? I can tell that you're pretty tired, and I'm pretty tired…"

"No it can't wait, I might forget again!" she sounded a bit urgent, but what could be so important that has to be done at three in the fucking morning?

I turned back on the light to see her open the wooden chest to the side of her bed and start tearing through it, "where is it, where is it, where is it?" I heard her mumbling to herself as she started tossing stuff out and all over the place. Finally she pulled out a small black box, and cradled it gently in her hands, "This," she mumbled "is for you," she held it out to me like a servant would hold out a kings crown. I took the box from her, but wasn't sure if I was supposed to open it or not, there was definitely something inside, but knowing this place it could be a tiny snake. "Please open it, and you will understand why it is so important." I opened it and pulled out a necklace. The only thing on the silver chain was a cross, not jeweled like Dusks, but like hers it was cracked and broken on the side of one end. "Do you recognize it?"

"Y-yeah… it's the key right?"

"Yes, it's the key to all doors in the clan… that necklace used to belong to Stone, and it's only fair that you get his key now that he's dead. I was supposed to give it to you sooner, but I guess I kind of forgot. Now that you have it, it is your responsibility to keep track of it, if you ever loose it there will never be a replacement, and there will be a terrible consequence. We must never let a Chaos get hold of the key, it would not only alert them that we still exist and have completely rebuilt the clan, but it will also give them a way to infiltrate the clan. So you must understand how important it is to never loose that key. People can see it, but they will think of it as no more than a simple necklace."

"But not everyone in the clan has a necklace like this." I remember seeing some people that didn't have one, and I was beginning to wonder how they would get in and out.

"Yes, that's because some of them have a key chain, or even a bracelet with it on it, and this will not look to suspicious if we are all together in public. I mean it screams GANG when we all have a reoccurring similarity." _'Well yeah, it certainly isn't going to scream Girl Scout.'_

"Wait, you said that the reason we cannot let them have it is because it will alert them that we still exist… but wouldn't the scars on your arm tip them off too?"

"Mello, there is a reason that Misty put that black bandana over it. You can feel free to hide the scar in other ways, like a long sleeve shirt and whatnot, but we use it to distinguish if they are clan members or not. If someone has the mark of the Chaos we know to kill them right away."

"Oh, I see now." _'Or at least as much as I'm ever going to.'_

"We have reason to believe that the Chaos know we exist since if we ever find one of them we will kill them immediately, so they must know that we are still around somewhere, when they realize that they are missing a few people, but as of now they have no proof at all, and no idea of our current location." I nodded my understanding.

"So where do I put the necklace when I'm supposed to be sleeping?" I noticed that she wasn't currently wearing hers and I didn't want to find out what the consequence for losing it was.

"Well, obviously you can put it back in the box, but I put mine over here. She held up a brown teddy bear. It was missing one brown eye, and it looked as though it's left arm and right ear had been torn off and stitched poorly back on, and on top of that the clan crest was stitched on it's right arm, and there was a large stitch on the bears left side, where it's heart could have been. And around it's neck was Dusks necklace. _'What in the hell did she do to the poor thing?'_ "This is Coco, I've had her since I was really little, and she went through a bit of surgery." She smiled crookedly.

"Well I can see that, you did all that to it?" _'It looked like the stuffed animal of some sort of demon child, like that poor bear could possess the soul of Charles Manson!'_

"Yes, I wasn't quite a normal child, and my mother would often look at me like I was possessed." _'I can't imagine why!'_ "It was my only friend, and I took it with when I joined the clan… I love it so much." She hugged it tightly then placed it back down.

We were both quiet, then she came over to my bed and sat down beside me, placing the necklace around my neck, and toying with it gently. "You know Mello, despite how tough I may have acted after you saved me from Stone," she sighed, continuing to mess with the necklace, "I'm not, I'm not tough at all, I was so scared, I was afraid that no one would come and help me, and then you came and saved me from him, from what he was about to do," she shook her head and wrapped her arms around me, "I… I never really thanked you for doing that for me, so… thank you. He was a traitor planning to reveal the location of our clan to a Chaos, you got him just in time. He could not be trusted, but…" she paused as if debating something, "But you know, I trust you." She reached up and pushed her lips gently against mine, and I wasn't sure if this was part of the thank you or if she was initiating something, but for some bizarre reason everyone feels like they have to kiss me! It was bad enough that Shadow had been my first kiss, but now Dusk, and both in the same fucking night? What sense does that make? I gently pushed her away so that I wouldn't seem to mean.

"Oh my… I'm so sorry," she was blushing bright red, and shaking her head back and forth in an _'oh no oh no'_ kind of way. "I… I didn't know what I was thinking… uhh… I'm just really tired I didn't mean anything by it, I just wanted to thank you for helping me, but I didn't think that there was someone else." She wasn't making eye contact with me, but instead looking at the ground moving her feet together in a nervous motion that for some reason made me think of fighting dogs.

"W-what? Who said that there was someone else?" She looked up at me, her eyes glowing with something I couldn't quite decipher, maybe a combination of hope and anticipation, I wasn't quite sure. "But I barely know you, so it just feels awkward," very awkward considering I all ready do love someone, and I would hate to lead her to believe that she can be with me… but I didn't want to crush her right away.

"Awkward, don't tell me about awkward," she turned off the light and went back to her own bed, and Shadows words echoed in my head, _'he could fall in love with a woman if he were to give one a chance.' _I shook my head. _'Nope there will be no one but Matt… he is the only one I love, and will ever love.'_ Sleep consumed me quickly after that.

XxXxXxX

Dusk stood in the center of the small bedroom putting a black long sleeved shirt over her thin frame, her back was toward me, so I was sure she didn't know I was awake. I was quietly thanking God that I hadn't been awake when she was putting on her underwear or her bra or something. I closed my eyes so that if she turns this way she would not know that I had been awake, not that I was really that interested in her, but girls always get the wrong impression. I heard her boots click on the floor, and I felt her hand on the side of my face, but I didn't move. I held my breath as she moved her hand slowly up and down my scar, _'I could wake up and bust her right now, but she would just have some stupid excuse, and I don't really want to hear it.' _I felt her lips on my forehead, but only for a second before I heard her walk out the door. I sat up and fixed my hair, I slept on it a little funny. I would have liked to change my clothing, but I didn't have anything here, I would have to go back and get some more from the apartment to keep here. I waited a couple more minutes before I got up and left the room. Almost everybody was in the main room when I finally got there, it wasn't too crowded, but there were still a lot of people. I saw Dusk who looked at me quickly then looked away, and Cade came up to me.

"G' mornin' Mello!" she patted me on the back, "How'd you sleep?"

"Ahh… just fine…"

"Hey," I turned around to see Scratch, "Cade brought doughnuts from the place near her work," he held out one with chocolate frosting and rainbow sprinkles, "I saved this one for you since there were only a few and I thought that you'd appreciate it." His smile reminded me of one of a little kid, so gentle and innocent.

"Thanks…" I took it from him, so as not to offend him, and watched him go back to Wolf and begin a conversation.

"Should I have considered that weird?" I asked taking a bite of the chocolate treat. _'It's a little strange when a boy you barely know comes up to you and offers you a doughnut,_' and I was beginning to wonder if maybe he was gay, though it wouldn't be a surprise, too many people like me already.

"Huh? No, that's just Scratch, he's so nice especially to new people. Shadow was really nice to him when he was new, so he just wants to return the favor by being nice to the all new people like you." She smiled, "And since Scratch mentioned my work," she held out an envelope, "here you go."

I finished the doughnut and wiped my hands on my pants before taking the envelope opening it up. I almost dropped it as I realized that it was a check for $560. "Cade? What's this?"

"Oh that, well that's your first weeks pay for workin' at my repair shop."

"Well… you do know I don't work there." _'What the hell am I saying I should just take it. Matt and I need the money.'_

"Well… Misty told me how you were a little strapped for cash, so I put your name in our book back there, so you are now on our payroll, though you don't technically work there." _'Misty? Damn, how much did she learn for reading my mind just that one time!'_

"Oh, well thanks." _'This is nice, I'll be getting 560 dollars a week for doing nothing. That's definitely my kind of work, but then again nothing is free, I hope she doesn't want anything from me.' _"So, what's the catch Cade?" I couldn't help but ask. If she wanted something, it'd be best if I knew what it was now.

She looked confused "Catch? There's no catch. You're in the clan now, and that means that you're family, so if you ever need somethin' you just have to ask. So, you're welcome, and just so we're clear… I don't like you, like you… despite how I acted when we first met, I was actually tryin' to scare you away." She smiled, "and it worked."

I had some unfinished business with Dusk, so she was the next person I went to. She turned towards me, "Excuse me, Misty." Misty, who she had been having a conversation with nodded her understanding and walked off.

"About last night…" I began.

"What about last night? What happened last night?" she looked around, "I don't remember anything."

"What do you mean you don't remember anything?" I questioned, "I just wanted to talk to you about what happened."

"How can you if nothing happened." Obviously this was her way of denying it, her way of escaping the question, her way of saying just forget anything happened, and if this was her game I may as well play along.

"Sorry," I shook my head, "I must be mistaken."

Across the room a rather short girl with curly strawberry blonde hair swung her fist at Misty, who reacted quickly and dodged to the side, "You know I hate that about you… how can you think that you can just come up and think you know everything, you're absolutely obnoxious!"

"That is no need for you to act so crossly." Misty responded, still completely serious.

"It's really no wonder, I can't expect you to be normal after what happened with your demented family! You must miss them or something, always masking your emotions… do you miss daddy little girl?" her amber eyes seemed to taunt.

Misty's expression changed from calm to furious in a fraction of a second, "Just shut the fuck up Charm! I would never miss them! They deserved to die!" Personally I was a little shocked, that was the first time that I had ever heard Misty cuss.

"See, this chick is fucking crazy!"

"I'm not crazy, I've been through so much more than you can ever comprehend! So just stop it, this will get you nowhere!" Misty yelled back trying to end the argument before it evolved into something worse.

"Oh no, someone stop me, she might kill me for being mean to her!" she laughed somewhat maniacally. "It's too bad that Shadow had to take you in, you would have been much better off on the streets, you don't deserve to be here!" Misty's cloudy eyes began to water, "You deserve to be dead for what you've done, Darkness probably didn't even approve you to be here, Shadow could have rigged the ceremony, and why, because he believes he has some feelings for you, which I'm almost positive that he's pretending so you will stay here, but we don't need you, just go and become the fucking Chaos I'm sure you want to be!" _'This girl was something else, completely vicious, like a wolf that would kill something just to play with it in front of all the starving pups.'_

Misty fell to the floor sobbing quietly, "J-just shut up… n-none of that's true…"

"Yes it is… and you know it!" No one made a move, they all just stood perfectly still, I looked to my side expecting to see Dusk staring too, in utter disbelief, but she was gone, and before I even knew what happened I saw Dusk standing over Charms body, that was now on the floor writhing in pain.

"How dare you speak like that to a fellow Clan member!" Dusk's eyes seared with fire I had never seen before, and that look was enough to kill.

I saw Shadow walk into the room with Coal, "What is the meaning of this!" He turned to me and I quickly explained to the best extent that I could as Coal sat down to console Misty, "So Charm, you think you can get away with this? What makes you think that you have the right to make her feel this way? To make her feel worthless and unwanted… like she is nothing but dirt? You have doubted my decision and the decision of Darkness, and you have doubted her ability to be useful to the clan! Just so you know, she is far more useful than you are, so you have no right to disrespect someone more important than you! Who here agrees with Charm that Misty is nothing but a burden?" murmurs of disagreement went throughout the spectators. Shadow bent down to comfort her, bringing her close to his chest. I wasn't sure if anyone else heard, but I heard him whisper to her, "don't believe anything they say baby, we need you here… and I will always love you." She sniffled and he got up, "Dusk please converse with Mello, and decide a reasonable punishment." He then took Misty out of the room. I didn't think Misty could break down like that, the things in her past must have been worse then I thought.

"We are not quite sure what has made you this way Charm, whether it be some kind of complication with your early childhood, or whatever, but you have no right to act this way… Mello, how do you think she should be punished?"

"Ooohh… is he the new member I've heard about," she stood up and brushed off her crimson red dress. It rose slightly above her knees, and she wore fishnet stockings and small black boots. She didn't seem to sorry for what happened, and she definitely didn't have much shame. She lurched foreword and grabbed her stomach for a moment as if it hurt, then went back to normal, as if it didn't happen. Though I hadn't seen what happened I could guess that Dusk must have kicked her there, and not softly either.

"Yes, I am, but right now we have to choose your punishment." I wasn't quite sure how I should go about choosing a punishment; I've never done something like this before.

"Take your time," she got close as if inspecting me, "Oh Dusk, he's so cute, and his scars so cool, but I'm sure you get first dibs don't you?"

"Just shut up Charm…" obviously Dusk wasn't in the mood for that.

She laughed, "don't worry, you can have him… I don't want him anyway… he looks too serious."

'_Wasn't it I who would make the final decision… and what is it about girls here that just find me so damn attractive, I only wish that Matt found me that attractive.'_

"Anyway," Dusk continued, finally finished with playing Charm's games, "You will begin by cleaning all the bathrooms here… maybe that'll teach you a little dignity," _'cleaning the bathrooms… don't laugh, don't laugh,'_ "and second, I will be taking your key from you for as long as I feel I must, you are not allowed to leave here." I watched as Charm moved some of her fluffy hair and pulled off her earring, this one was the different type of keys. Hers was an earring. "And there's something I'm forgetting… Mello?"

"Well shouldn't you make her apologize?" I knew it was a simple suggestion, but I couldn't think of anything else.

"Yes, thank you. Lastly Charm you will have to apologize and beg for her forgiveness in front of the whole clan tonight."

She sighed, "You're seriously going to make me clean the bathrooms? Come on Dusk that isn't even fair!" I wasn't even sure if the other parts of her punishment remotely affected her, maybe she doesn't care. I was really beginning to wonder what was making her so important to the clan. She doesn't treat any of them with respect, it's beginning to make me sick, and I would never let her get away with doing anything like that to me.

"You heard what you have to do, now get a move on or there will be even more consequences. Maybe you will learn something from this experience." Charm sighed and walked off. "I'm sorry if I made up most of her punishment, but I thought that maybe you needed to see how it was done before you do it yourself."

"Yeah, I understand and it's all right." _'At least now I know how to deliver punishments and what kinds of punishments I can give, if it was just me I would have said "kill her," and that would have really made me look bad.'_

"Anyway… I was wondering, Dusk…"

"Yeah?" she looked over at me curiously.

"Do I have to stay here all the time? I actually own an apartment somewhere, and I would like to keep living there if I may."

"Oh, well that's absolutely fine, come and go as you please… I feel like maybe I've told you that before."

"Maybe you did." I shrugged, not really sure if she did or not, but if she did I forgot. "Well, can I go back there or do you need me for something?"

"No, not at this particular moment, but you need to be back by tomorrow night, you and I have a patrol together." _'Patrol, I wonder if she really means patrol… or date.'_

"Patrol?"

"Patrol… well it's kind of like a guard duty, and you and I have to stay up all night guarding the clan, and looking for some Chaos that may be nearby. Don't worry though, we haven't even seen traces of them in a long while, so it won't be that interesting of a night, just make sure you get a lot of sleep okay?"

"Yeah sure."

XxXxXxX

I opened the door to the apartment and walked in. The past day had been the craziest of my life, and I've been through a lot of crazy things… I dealt with a serial killer who murdered people with a notebook! I laid down on the couch thinking that I could get some well deserved rest.

"Oh, hey Mello, I thought I heard someone come in, where have you been? I was worried about you."

I turned around to see Matt standing in the hallway, his russet-colored hair looked a bit greasy and untidy, and there were dark circles forming under his eyes, but he still looked as handsome as ever, "You were actually worried about me Matt?" I laughed at the thought, but it also made me a bit nervous.

"Yeah, you didn't tell me where you were going." He shrugged, "it's nice to know that you're okay though."

"Wait, why are you even here? I didn't see your car out there, and aren't you usually at work by now?"

"Oh yeah, about that, I got into a car accident, and had to take it to a repair shop. There was a really nice woman there…" he shrugged.

"Wait, you got in a car accident?" I always knew that Matt could be a little reckless, but getting into a car accident was a big deal. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, just fine. Anyway, I went to work, and they told me that I had to stay home at least once this week." He sighed, "and I paid for the car to get fixed and now I don't have enough to pay the rent, do you think I could persuade the woman up front to give me a few extra days." He smirked and I wondered what he meant by _persuade_.

"No, you don't have to," I handed him the check I got from Cade earlier this morning,

"Wow Mello, this is more then enough, how did you get this?"

"I told you, I would go out and get a job."

"So, hey, you work at the same repair shop I'm getting my car fixed at, how come I didn't see you there this morning?"

"Well…" I paused trying to think up a decent excuse, "were you looking for me there?"

"No…"

"Then that's why."

He nodded, "So, I guess that we're going to be stuck here all day…" I sighed _'alone'_.

Authors Note: So, I wasn't going crazy, my chapters are actually getting longer, and I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. All I know is that it means more work on my part. So anyway just so there's no confusion the XxXxXxX means some time in the future, usually a couple of hours, why I don't just say that, well X's are easier. Anyway, I wanted to get the chapter up a little sooner, but my editing process takes forever and a quarter, and it's never perfect, but I try. Anyway please review; it makes me feel good to get reviews. I'll try to get my next chapter up before the 20th and I hope you are enjoying the story so far.


	6. Chapter 6

I own ABSOLUTELY nothing! _

Authors Note: I keep getting busier and busier. And now my house is up for sale and has to stay absolutely spotless all day everyday. Anyway this is chapter six, (I never truly thought I would get this far) so I'm pretty happy. I never really thought I would have long chapters either, but I'm learning the art of blabbing on about nothing, so stuff happens, but in the big picture nothing has really changed. If you have mastered that art then I salute you for your effort and dedication to nothingness, (which just so you know is a gigantic accomplishment). So don't feel offended. Oh, and I have to talk about this weird experience I had. The other day I looked upstairs and saw my mom up there, and even heard her talking. So, a little later I called 'Mom,' and my sister goes, 'Mom's at work,' and I'm just like 'No way, I saw her up there, and… and… holy crap.' And my sisters like 'You must have seen a ghost.' But I don't really know what it was, it was really strange, and I can tell I've kept you for long enough, so I'll let you go.

Summary: I feel like I'm being choked, but there's no noose. I feel like I'm drowning, but there's no water. I feel like I'm dreaming, but he hasn't kissed me. Maybe this is what one feels like before he completely dies from the inside.

Pairings: MattxMello ShadowxMisty (Mello's POV)

Characters: Mello, Matt, Dusk, Shadow, Misty, Cade, Coal, Scratch, Wolf, and Charm

Warnings:

First of all: Yaoi… which in terms for little kids, is basically two guys who really really like each other… and that can lead to doing grown up things, like silly bedroom games, and if you don't know what I mean by now then perhaps you should leave. I mean there is a reason that this is rated T.

There's also going to be some cussing.

Chapter 6

I wasn't quite sure what to say now. I haven't seen him at all for the longest time, and now that he's here I don't know what to do. There was so much that I wanted to say, wanted to ask, I just wanted to talk to him, to feel close to him like I did when we were younger.

"Mello?" he asked walking over and waving his hand in front of my eyes, "you all right?" I turned to him, not aware that he had been trying to get my attention.

"Yeah." I nodded, "I just must have just space out or something, it's nothing to worry about." I assured him.

"Oh, what were you thinking about?" he asked, and of course it was out of complete innocence and curiosity. It's not as though he knew about my feelings or anything, if he did, I wasn't sure how he would react. Would he kick me out? Would he just yell at me? Would he return my feelings?'

"Nothing." I sighed, _'If I ever told him, he'd probably just think I was kidding, and if he didn't feel the same, he might make me leave; leave and never come back,'_ but I didn't want to think about that. _'Someone shouldn't fall in love with their best friend,'_ I shook my head, _'It's just a bad idea, if they ever told the other person how they felt do you think they'd welcome you with open arms? Hell no, they would never quite treat you the same way, or let you be as close as you were before.'_ I really didn't want that to happen.

"Whatever, but would you at least mind telling me where you were for the last couple of days? I was worried, and if you were going to be gone, you at least could have called, or left a note. I thought that maybe you had gone missing or something." _'And yet he didn't quite make any attempt to find me… did he?'_

"Well, what did you do?" he was silent, "So, you didn't quite care that I was gone, or at least enough to do anything about it?" I questioned, not quite mad, but I would like to hear the reason why he didn't make any effort to find out where I went.

"What in the hell are you talking about Mello? I called your cell phone, but you left it on the counter. What else did you want me to do? Go and look for you? Call the police? I'd have to give them you're real name because Mello… isn't exactly a normal name. Besides you could have been anywhere, and honestly if you were to get into trouble I'm sure you could handle yourself, you're a tough guy." He sighed running his hands through his hair before he continued, "Furthermore you are just really secretive, and I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to find you even if I tried. I'm not exactly sure when it started, but you used to be so completely open with me, and I was beginning to wonder what happened to that open, truthful boy I used to know."

I knew what he was talking about, he and I were as close as could be, and we would tell each other anything, and everything no matter what, but after I discovered that I was beginning to like him as more then just a friend, I became more reclusive, and started hiding things from him. I shook my head, "He grew up Matt!" I answered rather solemnly.

His eyes widened as if he didn't expect such a response on my part, but then he just shook his head as if he had been disappointed in me, "Listen, there's nothing to worry about, I don't know what made you think that I can be trusted, You used to tell me everything and I used to tell you everything, in fact I still do, but one day you just stopped." _'This was only because you have nothing to hide.' _"Is there something going on. I know there is, so just tell me." I know Matt, he would just pretend like he already knows so that I'll tell him, but I'm not going to. _'There's no way he can know about the clan, or anything that has happened over the course of the last few days.'_ "Please Mello, you can trust me…"

"Matt," I smiled, "There's absolutely nothing to worry about, in fact, everything's better than ever. I've got a job, so now you don't have to work as hard as you do, and we can spend more time here." _This of course wasn't the case, he still has to work late hours, and I would have to be with the clan, I just couldn't stop going one day. Well, I guess I could, but I don't know what'd happen to me… would they kill me? I don't think you can just quit and walk away if you decide you don't want to be in it anymore.'_

"No, you're lying, I can tell… there's something going on." He looked somewhat accusing, like I had done something wrong, and I could tell that he wanted me to tell him exactly what I did and what's going on.

My smile immediately dissipated, "Fuck Matt! Just keep to yourself, whatever's going on doesn't concern you!" I got up and tried to leave the room only to feel him roughly grab my hand, "Matt, let go."

"Not until you tell me what is going on with you," Matt was never quite that motivated about anything, but when he was he could be quite stubborn.

"Matt, nothing is going on with me, you're just being stupid, now let me go!" I shouted at him, but he didn't seem the least bit phased but it, he still kept the serious, and concerned look.

"I'm just trying to help you…"

"Go fuck yourself!" I shouted pulling my hand away. 'I know that I do love him, I really do, with all my heart, and I didn't want to fight with him, but I couldn't exactly come off as weak Besides if I chose not to do this the only other choice was for me to tell him everything, not that he'd really believe anything I tell him about the clan, and he'd probably just accuse me of lying, which would just result in more fighting, so I knew I couldn't win here. I started running out of the room but before I made it he got up and grabbed me holding me tightly around my upper arms.

"Mello, if nothing is going on then why are you making such a big deal about it." I squirmed jerking myself from side to side in a worthless attempt to escape his grip. "Calm down," I slowed until I had reached a stop, and looked up at him rather defeated, "Can I release you now and we can talk like men."

"I don't have anything else to say that I haven't already told you." I tried one last time to pull away and all I managed to do was move him and myself no more then two feet to the side. His grip tightened on me, but he didn't say anything else. He just stared, his eyes looking into mine, and I was wondering what he was seeing. I thought the whole situation was weird, but I didn't say anything, then he let go and wrapped his arms around me, holding me gently against his chest.

"I'm just concerned about you, the only reason I'm doing this is for you… I want to help." Somewhere inside me I felt my heart tighten, and I felt rather depressed. I wanted to tell him so bad, I wanted to tell him everything. How I joined a clan, where I was, and how much I love him. I feel like I'm being choked, but there's no noose. I feel like I'm drowning, but there's no water. I feel like I'm dreaming, but he hasn't kissed me. Maybe this is what one feels like before he completely dies from the inside. I know it's been a mistake, and all I want is to be with him, but this can't happen. He laid his head against mine and we just stayed there for a long second, probably the best moment of my life.

"Mello!" I heard him gasp, and he pushed my away and all the peace that had been acquired over the last minute or so, shattered like glass. He held out his hands, palms up, in front of him, and his left hand glistened with a crimson red liquid completely covering the palm, and it only took me half a second to realize that it wasn't his blood… it was mine. I looked to my right arm toward the bandana that was dripping with the ruby liquid.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Matt looked up to me then took me into the kitchen, "Matt, I can take care of this myself, don't worry about it."

He simply shook his head, and he pulled out a crap load of stuff from the cabinet just above the counter. We didn't like to keep our stuff in the bathrooms, if someone ever got hurt we would need more space than what a small bathroom could provide, and there were enough cabinets in the kitchen. Anyway, it doesn't quite matter where you put your stuff as long as you can get to it when you need it. He pulled off the bandana, and I was kind of glad that he was here, I probably wouldn't have been able to get it off without hurting myself, however I was a little nervous as to how he would respond when he sees the shape of the scar, and furthermore I wondered if he's ever seen anyone else with one like it. There were certainly enough people that he could have at least seen a few in the whole time he's been here and not even know it, but if they are out in public they are supposed to hide it, so maybe he never has, but that still wouldn't keep him from asking questions about it.

He looked at the mark, and I craned my neck to be able to see it and I noticed that the stitching had been torn and blood was pouring out the open wound. It was no doubt that this was because I had been trying to get away, all the moving around caused the stitches to rip. _'Damn, I should have been thinking about it, but at that point my only goal was getting away, that was so stupid of me.'_ "Mello, why didn't you tell me that you had gotten hurt and had to get stitches?" he asked with genuine concern in his voice.

"Well… I didn't want you to worry, and I also didn't think that they would rip the way they did." I frowned.

"You should have told me and I wouldn't have grabbed you there, damn it, I didn't want to cause you any pain." He really sounded as though he thought the whole thing was his fault, "Would you mind telling me how this happened?"_ 'I don't quite have an excuse prepared for this yet… come on, think of something!'_

"Well… uhh," '_All right, think, where have you been that you could have gotten hurt? Work!'_ "It happened at work the other day…" I answered feeling somewhat proud of myself for coming up with something so quickly, but I was allowed to stay at Wammy's house for a reason.

"Really?" He looked at the wound, "It's quite an odd shape… how did it happen?"

"I was getting something for one of the cars, and I got cut on one of the scrap pieces of metal, because the screw driver that I needed was in an area I had to crawl into, and it got me. The way I struggled out of it made it shaped like that." I nodded thinking that was a pretty reasonable excuse for being made up right on the spot.

"So, you had to go to the hospital too?" I nodded, "Jesus Christ, how much did that cost?"

"Nothing, if I get hurt on the job then they pay for it, but I think that's only because they don't expect anyone to get hurt…" I shrugged, "but it's no big deal."

He started to remove the stitching, "Well, I don't think it's that deep that I need to take you back to the hospital." He wasn't quite talking to me as he was to himself; he was most likely trying to make the decision on what to do next.

"Yeah, we can just fix it up here." I said hoping that I can convince him, that last thing I wanted was for him to take me to a hospital and tell them that the stitching they had put on me the other day had come apart. They would just say: _'Who the hell are you, and we never put stitching on him!'_ How would Matt feel knowing that I had lied to him again.

"Okay… but I don't know how you could trust doctors, I've never been able to… there's just something weird about them." He smiled and I knew he was just trying to make a joke. "Now don't move," he said pouring a liquid over my wound and I winced, but refused to further acknowledge the stinging pain. "Wow you've come a long way, you used to hate this crap when you were younger. Do you remember the time when you broke into the medicine cabinet at Wammy's and dumped it all outside Roger's office?" He snickered, probably remembering how he had been my accomplice for the whole silly endeavor. "They never quite figured out that it had been you though."

"Yeah, I remember that," but I was really surprised that he remembered too, it happened so log ago, but I guess it's experiences like that, that stay in your memory forever.

Matt finished washing out my wound then pulled out some gauze bandages, which I didn't even know we had, and wrapped them tightly around my arm. "How does that feel?" he asked running his hand down my arm and leaving it to rest on my hand. I felt my face grow hot and I pulled my hand away nodding.

"Yeah, it feels great," I moved it around trying to make sure I hadn't lost too much blood and that it could still function correctly, but also so I didn't have to pay as much attention to Matt, I didn't want him to have seen how embarrassed I had been.

"That's good," he smiled, "So, I'm really sorry about doing that to you. I really didn't mean to," he sighed, his eyes were serious and his voice was sincere.

"It's okay… if you had meant to do it then stormed off leaving me to deal with it myself, then that would be completely different," I smiled to show him that everything was perfectly fine now.

"You know, I would never do anything like that to you right?"

"Yes," _he's my best friend, so I hope that he would never do anything like that, and also not to mention he's the love of my life, so I would most definitely be devastated if he ever did that to me intentionally._

"You remember the good old days don't you?" he sighed closing his eyes as if he were recalling some pleasant memories.

"What exactly do you expect me to remember about the 'good old days'?" I questioned, he could be remembering almost anything, since the good old days really were good.

"Oh, I don't know," he opened his eyes, "Just how we could be together without this sort of thing happening, and how we would stay up all night playing video games… and—" I cut him off.

"You mean how _YOU_ would stay up all night playing video games?" I corrected him.

"No, don't you remember, you would play them with me almost every night, but you would fall asleep sometime around 2:00 and I'd just continue from there." He smiled, knowing that he was right, and I sighed.

"Okay yeah fine…"

"And we even used to do homework, watch scary movies and eat unimaginable amounts of junk foods together." _'Not to mention all the times that we would sleep in the same bed, together.'_ I sighed remembering the first time as though it were yesterday.

"Hey Mello," Matt had shouted to me holding up a movie, "Do you want to watch it with me?"

_I took a look at the front cover "Event Horizon? What is it about?"_

"_Oh, it's about a spaceship that gets lost in space and these people go out and find it, but they find that it's all corrupted and everything."_

"_Well… I don't know," I was honestly a little bit scared._

"_Come on Mello, don't be a wimp and keep in mind that I'll be right here with you." He smiled and I nodded._

_Of course I was only twelve at the time and this movie had to be the scariest thing I had seen in my entire life… but Matt on the other hand didn't seem that scared, and thinking back I think it was because he played so many violent video games._

_That night I had been practically hyperventilating in my bed._

"_Mello is everything all right?" he asked me… somehow he always knew when there was something up with me._

"_Y-yeah," I had responded not wanting to let him that I was still scared._

"_Come here," he motioned in the darkness, but the small stray sliver of light was enough to let me see it._

_I had crawled into his bed and he held me up against his chest, "It's going to be okay Mello,"_

"_But I keep seeing that woman the one with no eyes and—"_

"_Shhh… it's going to be all right, nothing bad is going to get you." I wrapped my arms around him and he laid me down next to him, "You can stay right there if you want to okay."_

_Before I had fallen asleep that night I swear to god that I had felt him kiss the top of my head, but when I looked up at him he was sleeping, so I just thought that I was too tired, I would like to think that he did though._

"Mello? What are you thinking about?" he questioned his face just inches from mine as I snapped back for my flashback.

"Oh, just the good old days," I smiled and backed away slightly before I accidentally did something I would regret.

"Great, but enough of that, we have to think about the present too, there's so much we can still do, so we can be looking back twenty years from now and call this the good old days, won't that be nice?" It had suddenly occurred to me that he said _'we'_ in the same sentence as _'twenty years from now._'

"Matt… when you said that," I felt a little awkward asking this question, "did you mean that we'd still be living together twenty years from now?" Something tells me that I had gotten the wrong impression and I had just made a complete fool of myself.

"Well… yeah," I looked at him disbelievingly.

"Wh-why? Wouldn't you want to move on? Maybe find a girlfriend, get married and start a family or some bullshit like that?" I asked.

"Well, I don't think I'd make a great father," he shrugged, "as for women, I can't see why one would ever like me, but if I ever get the chance then sure I'll jump," I felt a little betrayed. If a girl ever comes around that he likes, he will leave me for her. I didn't quite want to think about it. "But, I also recall making a promise to you to be your best friend for longer then we may live, or have you forgotten?" he smiled, and I felt slightly reassured, "but what about you, don't you ever plan to do something interesting with your life?"

"Well I hadn't had much more of a plan then just staying here for the rest of my life." I shrugged, "I guess I just expected to stay here with you. I never expected you to want the same however."

He shrugged, "well I definitely wouldn't mind, if I did I wouldn't be living with you right now," he looked over at the clock above the stove, "Oh, crap… it's almost time to go pick up my car," he sighed, "time always flies right by when I'm with you," I was wondering if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but Matt always had a weird way of giving complements so I just took it as one.

"Well, okay I'll just wait right here then," I said as he dusted of an old phone book and called a taxi.

"Oh, did you not want to come with? I wouldn't think of leaving you here alone if I could help it," he smiled in a somewhat charming way, as I knew only he could.

"Well… in that case, I probably wouldn't have stayed anyway," I laughed.

When the taxi got here a young woman rang the doorbell, "You guys called for a cab?" She smiled, and pushed some locks of her curly brown hair out of her face. She wore a white t-shirt under a gray jacket, a pair of plain faded jeans and an average pair of tennis shoes.

"Yeah, come on Mello," he motioned for me, and she opened up the door closing it after we got in.

"So where are you nice gentlemen going?" she was very polite and had a natural air of kindness surrounding her, but her eyes portrayed a type of sadness and I wondered what could be going on with her.

"Byron's Auto shop and Repair, we need to go there to pick up my car."

"Oh, well that would explain why you're taking a taxi then," she smiled and pulled out, "my boyfriend used to work there so I know exactly where to go."

"Well my friend here works there too," Matt commented, and I wanted to put my hand over his mouth to shut him up, since I do technically work there, but don't quite _'physically'_ work there.

"Oh is that so? They pay pretty good, I would rather be doing that than this, but in today's economy I'm lucky to have a job at all." She sighed. "You know, whatever it takes to feed your family and make payments." I hated to hear a woman say that, it always makes me think that they would consider becoming a prostitute, and I just refused to see the image of such a nice girl on the street side wearing more makeup then clothes and getting into a car with a strange man who only wants to use her to satisfy their selfish lust to violate young innocent flesh.

"That's true, it's gotten pretty bad." Matt nodded, "but you're still young, you have the potential to do anything."

"Well I guess, but right now I'm trying to earn some extra money so I can go to school. My father ditched my family a few years back, and my mother is always out constantly partying, we never get to see her, and she never takes care of us… sometimes we don't even see her for days at a time."

"What do you mean by _us _and _we_? Does this mean that you have siblings?" I questioned.

"Yes, I have three siblings, one's twelve and the other two are ten." She smiled, "they're great kids, I just wish I could support them all," she shook her head, still paying close attention to the road, "but as soon as my brother gets old enough to get a job he can help me, and then we could be better off… oh and please don't get the wrong impression here, I'm not trying to earn your pity or something, so please go on and tell me about yourselves."

"You see," Matt began, "we had it pretty rough, I wasn't getting paid very much. At least not enough for all the payments I have to make, and our apartment costs a ridiculous amount for rent, but that's because it's the only one in the area that isn't a hotel, I would love to move somewhere else but," _'this is the only area where we won't be noticed or thought to be suspicious, just say it.' _"but this was the closest place I could find to my work… but now that you have a job," he smiled at me, "this will be a hell of a lot easier." We arrived at the repair shop a moment later.

"Here you are gentlemen, you're total is—"

"Here you go," he gave her what looked like a hundred dollars,

"No no no, I can't accept this," Matt simply smiled at her, "you're welcome, his opened his door and motioned for me to get out.

"Thank you, and have a great day Sirs." She said her eyes full of gratitude and appreciation.

Matt had done some good for that girl, that would feed her family for at least a week, and while I was thinking, I hadn't noticed the woman Matt was currently talking to, and not just any woman it was Cade, "Yes, so, you own the 1970 SS Chevy Camaro? That was a really good car back in the day, it continued sellin' well through 1981," she commented, "but haven't you ever considered gettin' somethin' newer?" it really annoyed me, the way she talks, she never pronounces the 'g' at the end of words that end with 'ing' but she probably didn't notice it as weird at all, and I would hate to insult her and lose my weekly payment.

"Well… I've got it all paid off, and it still works just fine, so why?" I know Cade owns the place and everything, but I didn't think she would be here, she was still with Dusk when I last saw her, so I didn't quite think she'd be here today.'

"Never mind, it's not my job to tell you what type of car you should have… it's too bad that they didn't make it as a convertible model back then, that would have been really cool to have now. Oh and Mello!" she came up to me, "I couldn't help but notice your arrival, did you decide to come to work today? You really didn't have to, I got someone else to come in your place." She smiled looking at my arm, "and how's your arm doin'?"

"Just fine actually, and I'm not quite here to work, I'm just here to help pick up his car," I motioned toward Matt.

"Oh okay then," she turned back to Matt, "So… I'm embarrassed to say this, but I think you're kind of hot," she proceeded to check him out, and I burned inside wanting to tell her to back off, but that wouldn't make me look good, and I don't know how Matt would react to me ruining his first real interaction with a woman in a long time.

"Well, you know you're not so bad yourself." He smiled that cute boyish smile and I glared at her, but she wasn't paying any attention to me.

"Th-thanks, I don't get that too often, most men wouldn't find a female mechanic, attractive." She was blushing slightly. If she tried to make more of a move I was going to waste no time pouncing her to the ground and tearing her face off.

"I don't see why anyone would think that, a woman that's good with cars is worth far more then just your average girl."

"Oh," she was looking both flattered and embarrassed, "Hold on, your car should be done by now, lemme ask," she ran off toward one of the garages and called out for someone, whose name I hadn't quite caught but after she came into view I noticed that it was Misty… _'Crap just what I need. She must have been the person Cade said came in my place today, but I thought she was lying when she said that'_. She brought her over to us.

Misty looked to me and smiled sweetly, "Good afternoon Mello," then she looked down at her clipboard, and turned toward Matt reading something off the papers "So you're the owner of the 1970 Camaro? The impact smashed in your right side car door, and blew the tire, but we were able to fix both of those quite easily, and we even fixed up most of the dents, since it hadn't been banged up too badly, and we changed your oil for no charge at all, so basically it's good as—" she stopped talking completely as she looked up, her eyes widened and she looked somewhat surprised, then she looked over toward me and back again, "oh dear, I'm sorry, it's just that Mello has told me so much about you!" she smiled and held out her hand, "my name's Misty, and I'm glad to be meeting you." Matt shook her hand looking a little bit confused.

I hit my head against my hand, this could be really bad, I hate it when she has to jump right into things like that. "Glad to be meeting you too… but what did he tell you exactly?" he questioned _'Oh please dear god, have her lie or something, please please please!'_

"Only that you're best friends, and have been together for so long, you know, just little stuff like that," she waved her hand as if it were just common knowledge and wasn't such a big deal. "Oh my goodness," she frowned, "Matt, you've got some oil on your face…"

"R-really? Where?" he started wiping his hands against the side of his face.

"Right here," she pointed to a spot on her own face to give him an idea, "No… not there, up more…" she sighed, "Here let me get it for you." _'Something weird was obviously going on here, I didn't see anything at all on Matt's face._' I looked over at Cade, who looked just as confused as me. Misty put her hands on both sides of his head, "Now just hold still, I don't want to smudge it, okay," she drew in closer mumbling something like, "your hair's hiding some of it." Until her head was against his, "oh tell me one thing… why do you still live with Mello?"

"Oh… because I… uhh… _WE_ decided to live together when we came out here," he answered and she rubbed her fingers against the side of his head, under some of his hair.

"There I got it," she smiled as if she had gotten a bit more then just the imaginary oil off of his face.

"Thanks…"

Cade spoke up next obviously feeling a little left out of the whole conversation, "So, Matt, you had better get goin'… but would you call me sometime?" She held out a little nicely folded piece of paper with her number scrawled on the inside.

"Maybe," he winked at her and I felt like I was going throw up. _'He can't, damn it! If he was going to be with any girl I would prefer it NOT be her.' _

"Pssst, Mello, I have something important to tell you," Misty's eyes were sparkling as though she just discovered the cure to cancer, but whatever she had to say had probably something to do with him and Cade.

"I really don't think that I want to hear it." I answered and she looked a little crushed.

"Just listen okay?"

"No, whatever it is I'm not in the mood, so just keep to yourself."

"But…"

"But nothing, can't you see what's going in front of you, how am I supposed to compete with her? I don't have anything she has," I shook my head.

"That's true, but there's something about Matt I think you should know…" I was afraid that she was going to tell me that he had a girlfriend, so I cupped my hand over her mouth.

"No, I don't want to hear it."

"Fine, suit yourself," she muttered a little disappointed as she pulled my hand off her, "but I saw something, something rather interesting."

'No, don't acknowledge her anymore, it must not be that important or she would have told you already.'

"Come on Mello, all ready to go?" Matt asked me motioning for me to come with him.

"Yeah."

When we got in the car Cade was on Matt's side finishing up her goodbyes, and Misty was on my side, "Goodbye Mello, but before you go, I want you to remember something." She paused and looked at Matt, "Remember that your tongue can lie, but your heart and mind tell all…" _'Leave to members of Night Crest to tell you something important, without really telling you anything._'

XxXxXxX

"Hey, do you want to play Gears of War with me Mello?" I shook my head, _'I don't really see why they make war-based videogames… while parents are panicking about the real war, their children are all playing the game. What exactly does that teach them; maybe that war is good? Well in a real war they would have no second chances or retries.' _I shook my head,_ 'and the violent games are just the same.'_ Though what I'm having such a hard time admitting is that they're so fun too. _'I don't know how many hours Matt and I would stay up and play Doom. And when Doom 3 came out, my god! It was so different. The graphics kicked ass, and I almost couldn't sleep that night,'_ I noticed that I was beginning to feel like Matt so I stopped thinking about it. "Oh, you sure? Okay I'll just take a shower then, it's not as fun when I have to play alone." He left the room and I heard the shower running no more than a minute or two later.

I went to my room and packed up some clothes in a backpack that I would be taking down to the hideout tomorrow, or maybe later tonight. On top of that I also filled it with some of my chocolate, I had been missing it quite a bit… though nowadays I don't eat as much as I used to, especially now that I have to go out and actually pay for it. _'What's this?'_ I reached into the back of the drawer I hid my chocolate in and found a small heart shaped chocolate, from Matt for last Valentines Day.

"_Here Mello, I know how much you like chocolates and all, so I got these so you wouldn't feel left out or anything…" he had smiled sweetly and looked somewhat embarrassed, as he handed them to me. Granted they weren't much, but I got him a videogame, not new since I of course couldn't afford it, but he liked it anyway._

"Thanks so much! Can I play it right now?" he asked just raring to go, and I never quite saw what made those games so great, it was fun, but not to the point that I could play it for more than a few hours before I got sick of it. Matt had always described it like this: "It's that you get to be someone you're not, someone you'd like to be, and they put you in unimaginable situations, under impossible circumstances, that provide both a thrill and stimulation for your mind." Though you could also get it from reading, so I still didn't really understand.

I had eaten most of the chocolates before I went to sleep that night, and stored the remaining ones in that drawer, but somehow this one got lost and forgotten in there.

I smiled,_ 'No matter how gay it would have been for him to give me chocolates he did it anyway.' _Of course the chocolate wouldn't be good now. I went into the kitchen and tossed it into the garbage, but as I did it, a crumpled piece of paper caught my eye and I couldn't help but see what it was. Matt never really did this, not even with bills, because contrary to most people's beliefs, it isn't funny to throw out bills. They either have to be paid or you might loose you power or water or your fucking house! On the top of the paper was _'Call me,'_ and instantly I knew that it was Cade's phone number, but what also sold it was her name under the number. I felt somewhat pleased that Matt didn't have the interest to call her, but he had acted so flirty with her. It was so weird. Suddenly Misty's voice popped into my head as strongly and clearly as if she were standing right next to me, _'Your tongue can lie, but your heart and mind tell all…'_ I don't know what it was, but those people say the weirdest things for me to remember at the strangest times and it was at this moment that I really began to wonder what she wanted to tell me earlier. And what was the whole oil thing ab— _'Dear God, she had read his mind! I keep forgetting that she can do that, but what could she have seen? She said that she saw something rather interesting. That could be anything, but she seemed happy, like it would have been good news. Maybe… just maybe… she wanted to tell me that…_

_Matt likes me too!'_

Authors Note: Maybe Misty meant something else, Mello could have completely got the wrong impression… but I'm sure most of you know already. However I kind of like how Mello is so oblivious at first, but when he thinks about something it just— _WHAM,_ hits him good. I apologize for any grammatical or punctuation errors, but I tried. So, anyway, I absolutely do not own 'Event Horizon', 'Gears of War', or even 'Doom 1, 2, or 3.' (As much as I would like to) But anyway, please review… and I'll get the next chapter up before the end of the month. Have a great day! (If you can help it of course)


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